


I Dreamed I Was Dying; As I So Often Do

by Annonb



Series: Rick/Daryl [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Diapers, Gen, Infantilism, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:45:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6014743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annonb/pseuds/Annonb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl wakes up screaming. First part in the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this a long time ago, the full, unedited version is at my journal -->annonb.livejournal.com. This is a completely far-fetched story, but then again, it is fanfiction. I'm super nervous about posting here. I hope all those who read this enjoy it<333 I hope to post the rest soon, that is if enough people want it.

"DAAAADDDDDYYYYY! HELP! DADDY!"

 

Rick rushed into the nursery. He flicked the switch on the wall, flooding the room with light.

 

Daryl was standing up in his crib, sobbing and shaking the bars with clenched fists.

 

"Hey, little man," Rick said, smiling sleepily. "What's goin' on?"

 

"Walkers," Daryl choked out.

 

Rick walked over to the crib and lowered the side. "No, Daryl. You're just having a nightmare. Remember? There's no such thing anymore."

 

That didn't help calm the crying man's fears any. He hurled himself at Rick and grabbed his arm. He ran his hands over it and stared intently. When he didn't find what he was looking for he sniffled and gazed into Rick's eyes.

 

"No bite," Daryl whispered.

 

Rick gave him a sympathetic smile as he hoisted him onto his hip. "No bite," he confirmed. He carried Daryl over to the rocker in the corner of the room and sat down. He cradled him close while he set the chair into a steady rhythm.

 

It had been almost a year since they got out of the wild social experiment they were thrown into, but the nightmares were still regular visitors.

 

They were so close to the border of Georgia, what awaited them in a new town, a new state, was unknown, but there was a large brick building just on the other side. A building surrounded by sturdy walls. Maybe it had been a university at one time. Walkers were closing in on all sides, they were so close. If they could just keep running they could make it. But the gun ammo was gone and Daryl had used the last of his arrows to pierce the rotting flesh of the nearly six-foot tall creature that had pulled him down nearly twenty feet ago.

 

Then Daryl saw it. A growling, decaying woman covered in blood and dirt sneaking up behind Rick. She snapped her arm out and grabbed a fistful of his shirt.

 

"GO!" The leader of the group shouted to the others. No one hesitated, no one looked back. They kept running, leaving Rick to desperately flail around and fight off the other two walkers that were getting too close.

 

Daryl wasn't going to leave Rick there like that. Not after all they've been through. Not after all the times Rick turned back for him. He got his final wind and charged at the group. He tumbled the two walkers to the ground. He managed to keep one pinned while the other struggled to get back on its feet. He reached for a near by rock and with a loud shout rammed it through the walker's skull. He repeated the process with the walker that was underneath him, splashing blood and brain matter all over him.

 

He was panting hard, dizzy from exhaustion. Then he heard a cry along with the familiar sound of bones cracking and skin being torn. Daryl looked up. Rick had fended off the woman, but in his distraction another walker grabbed his arm. Daryl watched frozen and helpless as the thing that once was a man, once had a soul, used its teeth to rip the flesh from Rick's arm.

 

Rick cried out in agony.

 

Daryl staggered to his feet, screaming like he never had before. He tackled the walker to the ground. He grabbed what was left of its hair and used it to smash its head into the ground til he heard its neck snap. He crawled over to Rick. The other man was gritting his teeth, breathing shallow. His cheeks were tear stained and his eyes red rimmed.

 

"D-Daryl, go,"

 

"No!" Daryl couldn't believe the tears that were streaming down his own cheeks. He grabbed Rick's underarms and began dragging him towards the group. "Help!" He yelled. "Damn it! Someone fucking help!" If he could just get Rick to the others they could take his arm and stop the infection from spreading.

 

"Daryl," Rick panted. "The group needs you. Just leave me here."

 

"I ain't leavin' you anywhere." Daryl saw another dozen walkers just down the hill. When he looked back to see if someone was coming his foot slipped and he stumbled backwards. His foot was sprained and he couldn't pull himself up. He sat on the ground and for the first time since he was a kid, sobbed.

 

Rick managed to sit up and pull the other man to his chest. "Get yourself out of here. NOW."

 

"I can't! I won't!"

 

Rick felt the world moving slowly beneath him. The sounds began to fade out and the light grew dim.

 

"You're a good kid, Daryl. No one has ever told you that, have they?"

 

Daryl was crying far too hard to respond.

 

"You're not like them. You're better than that."

 

Daryl didn't have a clue who Rick was referring to.

 

"I'm proud of you," Rick smiled weakly as he felt a calming wave of peace creep over him. "You're gonna make it."

 

"Rick, please," the man choked out. "You can't go. Please," he begged.

 

Rick's eyes rolled back and his eyelids fluttered shut.

 

Then an ear piercing siren went off.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO AND FOR SEASON THREE.

For a moment everything stopped. The walkers came to halt. There was no breeze, no movement of any kind. The only thing that proved time still existed was the howling of the siren and Rick's shallow breaths.

 

Then a storm of armored men surrounded them. They gathered Rick and whisked him away. Daryl starting screaming. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stop it. He flailed his arms and legs wildly as another group of men tried to carry him. He just managed to catch a glimpse of a group men as they placed Rick in a van and sped off.

 

Daryl could barely hear his own wails over the ones coming from the siren. Something jabbed his arm and everything went white.

 

Silent.

 

When Rick woke up he was in a hospital room, much like the one he was in the first time. Only, this time, he wasn't alone. The lights were buzzing and the monitor was beeping softly. Two blurry masses approached his bedside. When the haze faded from his eyes and he could just make out the faces, he choked.

 

"Shh, it's alright,"

 

"L-Lori? Shane?" He whispered.

 

"Am I de-"

 

"No," She shook her head before wiping at her eyes. "You have a broken arm and some stitches."

 

"You, both of you, you're..." Rick tried to move but his arms and legs were tethered down.

 

"They have you restrained," Shane explained.

 

Rick looked at his bandaged arm then down at the cuffs around his wrist that were keeping him in place.

 

"The others, Daryl," he whispered gruffly. "Where are we?"

 

"Everyone's fine. They're safe. We're in a hospital." Lori paused. "It was all fake," She managed to get out before breaking down into a sobbing mess.

 

Shane explained what had really happened. The government had conducted everything. It was a social experiment to brace the country for the worst case scenario. They wanted to find out how people would react, to find out if they could stabilize and build another civilization. There was no turning, no walkers, and everyone made it. They were all just pawns in an elaborate, tax funded game. While they were running for their lives, losing their loved ones brutally, the world outside Georgia never stopped.

 

And Lori confirmed what Rick had known all along, the baby wasn't his.

 

"I-I love Shane. I always have and I can't go back to what we had. We weren't happy, Rick," she whispered. "Our lives before, it was a mistake."

 

Rick sat quietly. He couldn't bring himself to mourn her leaving because he already had lost her. To him, she was already long gone.

 

"Carl is going to need stability, a family, some normalcy. You're not going to be able to give him that for awhile. I know you don't owe me anything, but I'm asking you to," She took a deep breath and blinked back her tears. "I'm asking you to let us go. Forget about what we had, what once was. Let us build something new."

 

Rick looked up at her. "You're asking me to give up my son?"

 

"For now," She said shakily. "Maybe when you're well and settled we can talk."

 

Rick didn't know what to say. Everything before this moment was a lie, but deep down, he always knew that. And despite all the thoughts racing through his head, all the things he was feeling, he couldn't find the words to beg them to stay.

 

"Where's Daryl?" It was all he could get out.

 

Daryl opened his eyes slowly. When his gaze cleared he realized he was in a hospital room, but there was electricity. The lights were on, humming above him. The monitors lit up and beeped steadily. The clock on the wall was ticking away. He looked at his arm and noticed the IV. As his eyes wandered down further he saw the cuffs on his wrists that were keeping him tied to the bed. He pulled at the restraints. When he kicked his legs he realized they were confined too. He couldn't move.

 

He started screaming.


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No spoilers from here on out. Everything else is just a figment of my twisted imagination.

"Y'all have kept him here for months," Rick hissed.

 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Grimes. He's just not improving."

 

"That's cause he's here! He's scared!" Rick said, raising his voice. He saw Daryl jump from the one-way window. He was sitting at a table stacking blocks, waiting for Rick's daily visit.

 

Three months. Daryl had been locked in the hospital for three months. Everyone else was out in one. But Daryl couldn't pass the tests needed to let him back into society, and it didn't look like he would be let out anytime soon. He fought with the staff, screamed if he was alone too long, and now he wouldn't eat.

 

The doctor glanced at the chart in his hands. "We'll, unfortunately, there is no one willing to take him and every other facility is full."

 

"You should be putting him in a five-star retreat after what y'all did to us," Rick shouted.

 

"Rick?" Daryl asked as he got up from the table. He rushed to the door and became panicked when he found it to be locked. He frantically pushed and pulled at the handle. When it wouldn't open he burst into noisy tears and pounded at it. "RICK," Daryl screamed as sank to the floor.

 

"I'm going in there."

 

"Sir, he's not stable right now. We can't let you-"

 

"You don't have the right to tell me what I can and can't do," Rick said to the shorter man through gritted teeth. He opened the door and found Daryl huddled on the floor sobbing.

 

"Hey, hey, shh," Rick soothed as he pulled Daryl up. "It's okay. I'm here."

 

Daryl wrapped his arms around him and cried into Rick's shoulder, not caring that he was soaking it with his tears. He didn't care about anything anymore. Rick picked him up and carried him over to the chair.

 

"What's up buddy? Huh?"

 

"Th-the door. I couldn't open it."

 

"I know, but it's okay. I'm here now."

 

Daryl looked up at Rick with wide, sad eyes. "But you're goin' leave again. I don't want you to leave!"

 

"Let's not talk about that now," Rick said softly. He pointed to the blocks on the table. "What were you doing here?"

 

Daryl's sobs began to die down. "B-buildin'," he said through hitched breaths.

 

"Buildin'?" Rick smiled. "Do you want to help me build something?"

 

Daryl nodded slowly. After awhile Daryl stopped crying and his tears were reduced to the occasional hiccup. Rick was even able to get a couple smiles out of him. The only time Daryl smiled was when he was there.

 

Rick couldn't believe the man he was currently holding and playing with once used to be the biggest bad-ass in their group. It was the same man who could take down a walker with a single arrow. It was the same man who had saved everyone a countless number of times. The person who was always willing to risk his life and run into battle if Rick needed him.

 

Now no one was here for him. Occasionally Carol, Glenn, or Hershel would come to visit, but they were always forced to leave when Daryl became hysterical.

 

Rick was doing well. He got himself a three bedroom house and was looking for a job, but mostly to just fill the void he was feeling in his life, or distract him from thinking about Daryl. They all got a large sum of money from the experiment, so there was really no need for him to get a job.

 

He smiled down at Daryl.

 

He wouldn't have to worry about him if he knew he was safe...

 

The doctor came into the room along with two nurses.

 

Rick scoffed. If they thought he was afraid of two well-toned nurses, they were out of their minds.

 

"Mr. Grimes, I'm afraid visiting hours are-"

 

"I'll take him. I'll take him home with me."


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No spoilers from here on out. Everything else is just a figment of my twisted imagination.

"I ain't eatin' that," Daryl said as he pushed the plate of food away.

 

Rick sighed. The man still hardly ate. The first week's of meals ended on the floor or splattered against the wall. Daryl had shattered most of Rick's dishes until the other man bought him plastic ones. Many of the meals ended with Daryl sobbing as Rick held him still and begged him to swallow something. It wasn't easy, but Rick was able to find a few things the other man would at least taste, but mostly he survived on a meal replacement drink.

 

"Why won't you eat it?"

 

Daryl pouted. "Tastes funny." 

 

Tastes funny. That was the man's excuse for every meal. The truth was he just wasn't used to regular food anymore or the need to risk their lives to get it. 

 

"You think everything tastes funny. You have to get yourself used to the taste of real food again."

 

"No."

 

Rick knew how this was going to end, and quite frankly he didn't want to put up with it. Daryl had him on empty. Rick tried to take him shopping that day. Usually, Daryl was too afraid to leave his side when they went out, but this time, he had a bit more bravery. Rick turned his head to look at something for just a minute, when he looked back he was alone. He ran through the store, frantically scanning every aisle. Just when he thought Daryl might have left the building, he heard a loud wail a few aisles down.

 

Daryl was on the floor kicking and screaming. Rick ran over to him and picked him up. He held him close until the other man stopped fighting. He could see the stares they were getting, but he didn't give a damn. He walked to an area with fewer people and swayed with Daryl until his tears died down.

 

"At least, drink your formula."

 

Daryl shoved it away. "No, tastes funny."

 

"Daryl, if you don't want to eat the food right now, fine, but you're drinking that."

 

Daryl shook his head. "Tastes funny."

 

There was no way Rick was going to let him start up with that. The only thing keeping him alive at this point was that formula. Funny tasting or not, he was going to drink it.

 

"If you don't drink it on your own, I'm going to help you."

 

Daryl glared at him intensely, then at the mug. He raised his hand. Rick jumped up and snagged it in time. 

 

Daryl let out a frustrated shriek.

 

Rick went to the counter and set the mug down. He didn't know how this next part was going to go, but if Daryl didn't start putting on weight the doctors would insist on taking him back, or worse. He opened the cabinet and pulled down a baby bottle he bought earlier and carefully poured the contents of the mug into it. He screwed the top on tight and gave it a shake.

 

He realized that buying baby bottles for an adult was pretty odd and he wasn't intending on starting anything... different. But if living through hell taught him anything it was to always be prepared. He had to be ready if Daryl started to refuse the formula. Getting him to suck from a bottle was going to be easier than forcing him to drink from a cup.

 

Daryl was too busy breathing deeply to see what Rick was doing. When the other man came and picked him up Daryl tried to wiggle away, but Rick was stronger than him at this point. He wailed and swore while Rick carried him into the family room and settled on the couch.

 

"Daryl, enough!"

 

Daryl stopped his thrashing and turned to look Rick in the eyes. Rick had never raised his voice to him like that before.

 

Rick's face instantly softened when he got a look at Daryl's hurt expression. He let out a long sigh. "Daryl, you have to eat. The doctor's aren't going to want you 'round me if you're not gettin' any better."

 

"I ain't goin' back there!"

 

"And I'm not goin' let them take you," Rick whispered. "But I need you to help me here. Come on, I think I've asked worse things from you before," Rick said through a wry smile.

 

Daryl actually chuckled at that. "You won't let them take me?" He asked after a moment.

 

Rick shook his head. "No."

 

"I'll drink it."

 

Daryl was expecting a mug to be placed in his hands, but instead, he was shifted into a cradling position. When Rick brought the bottle up to his lips he balked at it.

 

"Daryl, we can talk about this later. Right now you're going to eat and this is how you're gonna do it."

 

Daryl stalled and the other man took advantage of his open mouth to push the bottle inside.

 

"Drink," he ordered.

 

Daryl was in no position to argue. He closed his mouth and sucked slowly. For some reason, the lukewarm liquid didn't taste funny anymore and he realized just how hungry he really was.

 

Rick smiled down at him. "See? It's not so bad."

 

Daryl glared at him. A look that would've been threatening if the bottle wasn't in the way.

 

He managed to drink the entire bottle. Between the warm formula, the full stomach, and the comfort of being so close to Rick, Daryl began to doze off. Rick was able to get off the couch and carry Daryl into his bedroom. It wasn't that difficult. Daryl was light as air and Rick spent a lot of time at the gym to work off his frustration. He tucked him into his bed before switching off the light and slipping out of the room.

 

As Rick made his way to his own room and got ready for bed he contemplated everything that had happened that day and his relationship with Daryl. He thought back about the other man's past behavior. Maybe Daryl's acting out was a cry for something he couldn't bring himself to ask for. After all, their experience had shaken loose feelings that Rick didn't know he had.


	5. Part 5

The next morning Rick found Daryl sitting on the couch, staring out the window. He did that a lot now. He liked to count the joggers in the morning. They were just jogging, not fleeing.

 

"Mornin' buddy," Rick greeted Daryl cheerfully as he made his way into the kitchen to start breakfast. "How many today?"

 

"Seven," he answered quietly, not taking his eyes off the world in front of him.

 

"Seven? That's one more than yesterday. How many with dogs?"

 

"Two."

 

That was all Rick was able to pry out of him. It was like that every morning that Daryl didn't wake up screaming.

 

Rick set the plates of scrambled eggs down on the table, along with a cup of coffee for him and a cup of Daryl's formula. Just like every morning.

 

And just like every morning, Daryl sat down, glanced at the food, and pushed it away.

 

"Tastes funny."

 

Rick nodded. "Drink that then please."

 

Daryl shook his head. "Tastes funny."

 

Rick sighed. He really thought he got through to him the night before.

 

"It didn't taste funny last night," he commented.

 

Daryl just shrugged.

 

Rick got up, forgetting his food and the much-needed coffee. He grabbed the mug and went to the kitchen to get another bottle ready.

 

"Come on, let's go sit on the couch."

 

Daryl followed and waited for Rick to sit down before climbing into his lap and getting comfortable. This time, when Rick brought the bottle to his lips he latched on immediately and began drinking in earnest.

 

Rick was surprised, to say the least, but he didn't say anything. He was just thankful Daryl was eating something.

 

For the rest of the day Daryl stuck right by Rick's side. He stayed so close to him that Rick almost tripped over him a few times. Rick was used to this behavior when they went out, but Daryl had more bravado at home, save for that first week when everything was new again and frightening. Those first few days he wouldn't speak. All he would do was sit at the counter and watch the water from the faucet flow out. When Rick would try to shut it off he would become hysterical. That time he almost split Rick's jaw in two the third time he tried to turn the water off.

 

At lunch, Rick followed the normal routine, and according to it, Daryl deemed everything tasted funny. So Rick fed him another bottle.

 

At dinner he decided to try an experiment of his own. He wondered if the food really did taste funny to Daryl or was it a cry for something else, something that he wouldn't ask for.

 

He set two plates of food down like every night, but unlike every night, he kept both plates at his place at the table. He picked Daryl up and sat down with him. He stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork and offered the food to Daryl. The other man didn't say a word, he just accepted the piece of meat and chewed it gratefully.

 

Rick had to keep himself from leaping up out of joy. He ate it! He swallowed it! That night Daryl ate everything off his plate. A few times Rick would put the fork down and would wait for Daryl to reach out and start feeding himself, but he would shake his head stubbornly and would say it tasted funny.

 

After dinner they went to the family room to watch something on TV. Daryl insisted on holding the channel changer and Rick knew that instead of watching something he'd have to be entertained by the other man channel surfing. Even if Rick was in control of the remote he was never entirely sure if Daryl was paying attention to what was actually on or was just staring at the illuminated picture.

 

The first time Daryl saw a working TV again was in the hospital. Like many things, it didn't go well.

Daryl stood mesmerized as he touched the glowing picture on the screen with one hand and gripped the remote with the other.

 

"Daryl, get back from the TV please," Rick said from his chair.

 

Daryl stood still as he kept flipping through the channels. It was his tenth time around each one.

 

"Buddy, how about you sit back down and I'll find something for us to watch?"

 

Daryl wouldn't move.

 

Rick got up and tried to take his arm. "Come on, you can't stand that close, okay? It's not good for you," Rick started to tug at his arm.

 

"NOOOOOO!" Daryl shrieked. He twisted away wildly and stomped on Rick's foot before violently pushing him to the floor.

 

A group of Doctors and nurses were in the room instantly and forced Daryl back into bed where they managed to restrain him.

 

Needless to say, the idea of having a TV was more than a little shocking to him. But Rick introduced him back to it slowly. Now he was able to sit calmly and look at the picture. Whether or not he was comprehending what was going on was another issue entirely.

 

Daryl continued to flip through channel after channel until he came across a children's cartoon. He stopped and lowered the remote.

 

Rick watched Daryl out of the corner of his eye. When the character made a joke Daryl actually smiled.

 

Rick gaped.

 

Daryl understood what was going on. He was paying attention.


	6. Part 6

After a couple of hours Rick became lost in his own thoughts. On one hand, Daryl had met so many milestones, but on the other he seemed like he was mentally regressing. He didn't become hysterical that day, he ate real food, and he could understand a storyline on TV. But he wanted bottles, he wanted to be physically close to Rick, and he only would watch cartoons.

 

Rick didn't mind. If Daryl was happy and doing well then he was ecstatic. And if he was being perfectly honest, he kind of liked it; seeing Daryl let his guard down and regress.

 

He felt a tug at his sleeve. When he looked over to Daryl the man was staring at him with wide eyes.

 

"Hey, buddy. What's up?"

 

Daryl bit his lip. "Hungry."

 

Rick looked at him, shocked. Daryl had never asked him for food before. "Y-You're hungry? Do you want a snack? I can make you something. Should I heat something up? Would you like a bowl of cereal?"

 

Daryl averted his gaze. "Tastes funny," he said quietly.

 

Rick smiled sweetly at him. "Do you want a bottle?"

 

Daryl shrugged and Rick took that as a yes.

 

"Okay, I'll go make you one. Stay here okay? I'll be right back."

 

When Rick got back and sat down Daryl quickly crawled into his lap. Just like the night before, Rick fed Daryl until he fell asleep.

 

Rick woke up to shrieking. He turned over in his bed and glanced at the clock. 2:43. He groaned and stumbled into Daryl's bedroom. The other man was sitting up, slick with sweat and sobbing. When Rick switched on the light he saw the wet sheets.

 

This wasn't the first accident Daryl had had, but it was the first one that week. Rick made his way to Daryl's side.

 

"Daryl, shhh, it's okay. It's just a bad dream."

 

Daryl shot his eyes open. When he saw Rick he snatched his arm harshly and inspected it.

 

"Where is it?!" Daryl cried frantically.

 

"W-what? Daryl, what are you doing?" Rick tried to pull his arm back.

 

"The bite! You were bit!" He wailed.

 

Rick looked at him with a solemn expression. "No, Daryl. It wasn't real, remember? I was bitten, but I'm fine now." Rick pulled his sleeve up. "See?"

 

Daryl stopped running his fingers over the other man's skin. "You're okay," he whispered.

 

"I'm okay," Rick agreed.

 

Daryl threw himself against Rick, almost knocking them off the bed.

 

"Don't leave me! Please! Don't let them take me back," he sobbed.

 

Rick held him close. "I'm not goin' anywhere," he whispered fiercely. "No one is goin' take you from me. I'll take down anyone who would even try."

 

He let Daryl cry everything out until his tears were reduced to the occasional sniffle. When he was calm enough Rick picked Daryl up and carried him into the bathroom. He started running the water for his bath.

 

"I'm just going to put your sheets in the wash and get some towels. I'll be right back."

 

Rick made quick work of cleaning everything up. When he got back to the bathroom the door was shut and he became panicked when he discovered it to be locked.

 

"Daryl, unlock this door right now please."

 

There was no answer.

 

"Daryl, you know you're not allowed to lock the door. Open it right now."

 

He heard shuffling in the bathroom. Rick pounded his fists on the door.

 

"DARYL, OPEN THIS DOOR!" Rick started freaking out. There were razors and scissors on the counter in there. "DARYL DIXON! OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!"

 

Just as he was about to kick the door down he heard movement and it swung open. Rick didn't know what came over him. Maybe it was just the fear that something could have happened to him. His behavior was unpredictable most days. Rick pulled Daryl into a tight embrace and felt the sting of hot tears in his eyes.

 

"Why did you do that? Huh? What were you thinking?" He murmured. He pushed Daryl away from gently and a gave him a look-over. He seemed fine. He then glanced at the counter. Everything was still in place. "Why did you lock the door? Why would you do that?"

 

Daryl shrugged. "Dunno."

 

Rick took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. Daryl was fine, he kept mentally repeating to himself.

 

"Let's just get you cleaned up." Daryl was docile while Rick undressed him with shaky hands.

 

The first time he undressed Daryl to get him in the bath he expected a fist to his jaw. But Daryl just stood quiet and still as he allowed Rick to do what he needed.

 

He picked Daryl up and set him in the warm water before soaping up a washcloth and gently wiping his tear stained face. Normally he would of let the other man take over from there, but that night he decided to wash Daryl himself.

 

Daryl didn't fight back. He was quiet and moved when the other man prompted him to. They got through the bath without an issue. Rick helped Daryl out of the tub and gently dried him off. He didn't wait for Daryl to follow him, instead, he opted for carrying him back into his bedroom.

 

Once Rick had Daryl dressed, he grabbed his hand and led him into his bedroom. He walked him over to his bed and pulled the covers back.

 

Daryl stared at him.

 

"Your sheets are in the wash," Rick explained.

 

No response.

 

"Alright, just, it's late and I'm too tired to put new ones on," Rick's voiced trailed. "Just get in please."

 

Daryl climbed into the bed and laid there stiffly. Rick got in on the other side. He leaned over and switched off the lamp, letting the light from the hallway fill the room with a gentle glow.

 

Suddenly, Rick felt the other body shove into him. Daryl wrapped his arm around Rick's waist and settled his head on his chest. With the available light he could make out Daryl bringing his thumb to his mouth. That kind of made sense, Daryl constantly was biting his thumbnail. Rick grinned and pulled him closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this story was inspired by Mumford and Sons - Ghosts That We Knew.


	7. Part 7

The next morning Rick woke to the sight of Daryl sucking his thumb and tracing little circles on his chest.

 

"Hey, you," Rick smiled and stretched. "Did you sleep good?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"I better go make breakfast for us. Do you want to go count the joggers?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"Really?" Rick looked down at him. He wasn't expecting that response. The only time Daryl didn't want to count the joggers in the morning was when he was in hysterics.

 

"TV?" Daryl asked around his thumb.

 

"You want to watch TV?" Rick tried to hide the shock in his voice. "Yeah, okay. You can watch TV while I make us something to eat."

 

Rick got out of bed. He waited for Daryl to follow him, but he wouldn't budge.

 

"Daryl? You comin'?"

 

Daryl held his hand out to the other man.

 

Rick smiled sweetly at him as he took his hand in his. He led Daryl downstairs and let him get settled on the couch before handing the remote over.

 

Daryl glanced up at Rick. "Bottle?"

 

Rick couldn't believe what was happening. He wanted to cheer and call everyone he knew, which was mostly just the group now, but he knew they would be thrilled. Daryl was asking for things! He was breaking out of the routine. It was like he was just noticing the world for the first time and he wanted to reach out and experience it.

 

"I can make you a bottle, but I thought I'd make some oatmeal too."

 

Daryl shook his head. "Tastes fun-"

 

"I'll feed you," Rick cut him off. "Like last night."

 

"'kay," Daryl responded as he sunk back into the couch and turned on the TV.

 

When Rick saw him flipping through channel after channel, his heart sank a little. Maybe he was celebrating too soon. Then Daryl stopped on a cartoon and set the remote beside him. Rick stalled for a moment to watch him. Daryl was sucking his thumb and behind it was a smile. When the characters did something funny he even giggled.

 

Daryl was connecting with things again.

 

When breakfast was ready and on the table Rick called Daryl into the kitchen.

 

When Daryl saw two place settings he stopped in his tracks.

 

"It's okay, sit down."

 

Daryl walked slowly to his chair and sat down. His body posture tensed.

 

Rick sat down and placed a bottle in front of the other man. He picked up Daryl's spoon, loaded it with oatmeal and brought it to his mouth.

 

Daryl turned his head away. "Tastes funny."

 

Rick frowned. "Come on, you said you'd eat it before. Take a bite," Rick practically begged.

 

Daryl refused to turn his head around. "Tastes funny."

 

"Daryl-"

 

Daryl screamed and smacked Rick's hand, sending the spoon flying. "AIN'T EATIN' THAT. TASTES FUNNY!"

 

Rick stared wide-eyed at his stinging, empty hand. He couldn't understand what had happened. Daryl was willing to eat just fifteen minutes ago. He was hungry.

 

Daryl burst into frustrated tears.

 

Rick shook himself out of it. "Hey, come on, it's okay. It was just an accident. I know you didn't mean to," Rick placated.

 

The other man's tears started to escalate.

 

"Daryl, I want to help you, but I'm not a mind reader. I need you to tell me what it is you want. Why won't you eat?"

 

"Tastes-"

 

Rick shook his head. "I want to know the real reason why. Why did you eat last night and now you won't? I can't let you keep livin' off that formula. You're gonna get sick or worse. Please, Daryl, I'm beggin' you. Tell me what it is you want!"

 

Daryl looked down at his lap. "I- I-" He took a few shuddery breaths. He pushed his chair back and stood up.

 

"Daryl, do not walk away- umph!"

 

Daryl sat himself down on Rick's lap and curled into him. "Hungry," he sniffed.

 

So that was the problem. He wanted to be held. Rick would've preferred if Daryl had verbally told him what he wanted, but he figured this was a start. Besides, even if Daryl was back to being Daryl, he would never admit to wanting affection. Especially affection from another man. He knew how Daryl grew up and it was far from pretty.

 

"Thank you for helpin' me," Rick whispered. "I'm so proud of you."


	8. Chapter 8

Daryl ate two helpings of oatmeal and drank his bottle. It was more than he had ever eaten since living with Rick, maybe even before then too. Afterward, he and Rick went back to the couch to watch more cartoons. Daryl sat right by Rick's side as he sucked his thumb and absorbed himself into the show.

 

When the phone started ringing Rick groaned. He was so comfortable, and more importantly, Daryl was too, but he reluctantly got up to answer it.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey, man! No one has heard from you in like a week. You know you can't do that to us."

 

Rick laughed. "Hey, Glenn. Sorry about that. We've just been pretty busy. How are you?"

 

Glenn sighed. "Alright. Maggie is pretty ticked at me though."

 

"What'd you do this time?"

 

"I ah, I got another ticket for speeding," Glenn said sheepishly.

 

Everyone had something they were having a hard time getting used to. Glenn was having trouble obeying speed limits again.

 

"Glenn," Rick sighed.

 

"I know, I know. But it was a country road and no one was on the street... I just miss that speed and adrenaline, you know?"

 

Rick nodded. He knew. He knew all too well. He missed not being able to hack into a walker every time frustration set in.

 

"I thought you were gonna buy a bunch of racing video games to help you with that."

 

"It's not the same. Do you get that same rush punching a bag at the gym?"

 

"No," Rick said solemnly. "Not even close."

 

"How's Daryl?"

 

"He's getting better. Hold on a second." Rick put his hand over the mouth of the phone and turned to Daryl. "Hey, buddy. It's Glenn. Do you want to say hi?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"I'm gonna talk to him in the other room. Is that okay?"

 

Daryl nodded, not taking his eyes off the screen.

 

Rick walked into the other room, out of earshot from the younger man.

 

"He's been eating. Actual food."

 

"Dude, that's amazing!" 

 

Rick could practically hear Glenn's smile. 

 

"How did you do it?"

 

"Well," Rick paused. For some reason, he had second thoughts about telling him. What if he thought it was wrong? Like he was holding Daryl back or trying to make him dependent? But this was Glenn he was talking to, he could tell him anything. They survived a fake apocalypse together. The group talked about everything. "I, um... Well, he will only eat if he sits on my lap and I feed him."

 

"So, you still have to hold him down then." The prior excitement disappeared from his voice. 

 

"No, he eats it willingly, as long as he's on my lap and I'm holding the fork."

 

Glenn's eyes practically shot out of his head. If this wasn't Rick talking about Daryl he would swear the other man was trying to pull a fast one. "Daryl? Daryl Dixon? Fucking bad-ass Daryl Dixon will only eat if you're holding and feeding him? I-I mean... How did you even figure that out? That that would work?"

 

Rick blushed. "The other night he started saying his formula tasted funny. Glenn, that is the only thing sustainin' him at this point. I had a fear that that would happen eventually, so I was prepared for it."

 

Glenn didn't know what that meant, but he knew Rick was always prepared for everything.

 

"I fed him a bottle," Rick said quietly.

 

"A- a bottle, you fed Daryl Dixon a bottle? Rick, if this were anyone but you I'd think you were bullshitting me."

 

"Wait, it gets weirder. He liked it. He'll only drink from it now. He started watching TV too, really watching it, but only children's shows. And last night he had an accident,"

 

"He's still having trouble with that?"

 

"Yeah. So, I gave him a bath and let him sleep with me. Then he, he cuddled up to me and started sucking his thumb."

 

"Man. Well, how do you know he's getting better then?"

 

"I told you. He's following story lines on TV, eating, and he didn't even want to count the joggers outside. And he's saying he's hungry and telling me what he wants, kind of."

 

"Kind of?"

 

"Today he threw a tantrum-"

 

"A tantrum?"

 

Rick rolled his eyes. "That's what they are," he said defensively. "He threw a tantrum because I made him sit in a chair to feed him, instead of on my lap. Then I told him he needs to let me know what he wants and he got up and sat on my lap."

 

There was silence for a moment on the other end of the phone.

 

"Glenn?"

 

"Yeah, I'm here. I just, wow."

 

"Yeah."

 

After a moment, Glenn spoke up again. "Rick, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... Does this have something to do with losing Carl?"

 

Rick sighed. "No, Glenn. I know it sounds awful, but I've gotten over that. I do miss being a father, but... I just think Daryl wants this."

 

Glenn nodded. "Well, we know what his childhood was like. And he did follow you around like a puppy back in Georgia. I know he was your right-hand man, but maybe, maybe he was looking for something else."

 

"You mean you think he wants me to be his father?"

 

"It sounds like it," Glenn said quietly. "Maybe, you should try."

 

"Like treat him like a kid?"

 

"Yeah. I mean, look, we're all starting over and getting back to what we had. But Daryl never had anything. Maybe he should start completely over. Let him have something, you know? If what you're saying is true, and I'm sure it is, it sounds like he's trying to tell you it's what he wants."

 

"Maybe..."

 

"Nothing else has worked. I think you could try it."

 

Rick stayed on the phone with Glenn for nearly an hour. He let the other man fill him in on what the others were doing and where they were. However, his mind was reeling. Could he really be a father to Daryl Dixon? What if he didn't want him? He didn't want to feel that rejection from the person he had come to care about the most. 

After Glenn made him promise not to vanish on them again, Rick hung up the phone and went back to Daryl. He was sitting on the floor with blocks scattered around him and putting together a puzzle.

 

That was the first time Daryl had voluntarily taken out the toys the doctors from the hospital had given him.

 

Rick smiled.

 

_Alright, if I'm going to do this, I'm doing it right. I'm not going to let Daryl have a second failed childhood._


	9. Chapter 9

Rick grabbed his laptop that was sitting on the desk. He had some extensive shopping to do. He started making a mental list of what they needed.

 

"Daryl? I'm gonna do some work. Are you okay?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"You're gonna let me know if you need something, right?"

 

Daryl nodded as he placed a piece of the puzzle into place.

 

Rick logged onto the internet. They needed more bottles for sure and he decided that diapers and pull ups were a must. He wanted to buy them right when the accidents started, but there was no way Daryl would of let him put them into an actual cart. Not for the first time, Rick thanked god for the internet.

 

After awhile Daryl got up and sat down on the couch. He scooted as close to Rick as he could without sitting on top of him, which he would have, if the laptop wasn't in the way.

 

Daryl glanced at the screen. "What're ya doin?" He asked around his thumb.

 

Rick decided that pacifiers might not be such a bad idea either. "I was just gettin' you some stuff."

 

Daryl squinted at the screen. "I don't need no toys."

 

Rick felt his heart sink a little. He was getting use to the idea of giving Daryl a second childhood; and it really seemed like he wanted it...

 

"Why not?" Rick asked nonchalantly, as if buying toys for another adult was an everyday thing.

 

Daryl shrugged, still looking at the laptop. "Toys are for pussies."

 

"No they're not. Didn't you have toys when you were a kid?"

 

Daryl turned his head to stare out the window. "Pa and Merle took 'em," he said after a moment. "Said I was too big for that shit."

 

Rick looked at Daryl sadly. "Where was your mom?"

 

"Drunk most of the time. Ran off a few times before comin' back and gettin' herself killed."

 

Rick nodded. He remembered hearing how Daryl's mom died and the way he watched the barn burn. He was just hoping that she was there for him a little while before she died. 

"Well, I thought it would be nice to have some more things to do. I think you're gonna get sick of those puzzles eventually."

 

Daryl shrugged. He supposed that were true, but if he was too old for toys when he was five, how could he have them now? Maybe Rick was just messing with him. Or what if he took the toys away again or something. He trusted Rick with his life, but this was different. He never got a toy and was able to keep it.

 

But this was Rick.

 

The other man watched Daryl through the corner of his eye. He was staring intently at the screen.

 

"Well, I wouldn't mind havin' some toys 'round here. Would you like to look with me? Maybe you'll see somethin' you want."

 

"I guess, if you want 'em," Daryl said softly.

 

Rick smiled and they began looking. It took awhile, but eventually Daryl started pointing to things. Rick wasn't that surprised for the first several items. He liked cars and action figures, but then he started pointing to sweeter things, babier things.

 

"How about some crayons and stuff?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"Why not?

 

"Boys can't play with that artsy fartsy stuff," Daryl said quietly, almost sounding disappointed.

 

"Yes they can. I did."

 

"You did?"

 

Rick smiled. "Yeah, I did. It's fun to be creative like that."

 

Daryl looked at the art supplies. His Pa would beat the shit out of him if he was ever caught doing something, "faggy". But he did like drawing. When he went out hunting with Merle he liked to find a stick and draw in the dirt.

 

"I guess... I guess we could get some art stuff."

 

Rick added crayons, markers, paper, coloring books, finger paints, and play dough to the cart.

 

Then they got to the stuffed toys. Daryl eyed each one intently. When Rick clicked on a cute bear Daryl leaned forward and put his hand on his to stop him from clicking someplace else.

 

"Should we get that one?"

 

Daryl blushed and shrugged. "I uh, had somethin' like that when I was a kid."

 

"What happened to it?"

 

"Lost it," Daryl replied coldly.

 

Rick had a pretty good idea of what that meant. "How'd you lose it?"

 

Daryl shrugged. "Dunno."

 

But he did know. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Somehow he had a stuffed bear. He couldn't remember how he got it, since his Ma and Pa would never get him something like that. He loved that thing. It was the only thing that would offer him a spec of comfort. He made sure he kept it hidden and only brought it out when he was absolutely alone.

 

One night, after a particularly bad beating from his father, he pulled the bear out from its hiding spot. He cried into its soft stomach until he fell asleep.

 

When he woke up it was to Merle hovering over him, laughing. He yanked the bear out of his arms and without a word, ripped its head off.

 

That was the first time Daryl ever attacked another person, and the last time he ever had a toy.

 

"I like that one. Should we get it?"

 

Daryl brought his thumb to his mouth and shrugged.

 

Rick figured that was as close to a yes as he was going to get, so he added it to the cart.

 

After awhile Rick felt Daryl leaning heavily onto him and heard a small snuffling sound. When he turned his head to look at the other man he saw that he was asleep. He carefully set the laptop to the side and lowered Daryl's head into his lap. Rick ran his fingers gently through his hair and let him rest.


	10. Chapter 10

Daryl woke up about an hour or so later. He blinked groggily up at Rick and rubbed his eyes.

 

"Hey sleepyhead, did you have a good rest?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"Are you hungry?"

 

Daryl sat up. "I guess."

 

Rick smiled and got up to prepare lunch.

 

Daryl sat and waited to be called. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. He hadn't meant for a lot of things, least of all the way he was feeling towards Rick. He shouldn't be feeling this, any of this. He shouldn't want the closeness of another man and he certainty shouldn't want to feel like a child near him. But it felt so... right. After a lifetime of everything feeling wrong, Rick treating him like a child felt good; and feeling like he belonged to Rick felt even better.

 

He had never wanted another childhood before. The first one was a disaster and he never wanted to relive even a speck of it. But Rick wasn't like his Pa. He was a good man and in spite of everything he'd been through, he was still good.

 

Daryl had always wanted to disappear, when his father was on a drunken rampage, when Merle forced him to kill defenseless animals, and when his world hurdled deeper into hell. He never understood how or why he was able to keep fighting to survive an apocalypse. It wasn't like there was anything waiting for him on the other side. Still, he never wanted to give up, until that last day in Georgia when he knew Rick wouldn't be by his side anymore.

 

Why would Rick want him though? He was a screw up. He was sick. He didn't understand why he even told the doctor's he wanted him. Maybe it was just survivor's guilt. Was that what they called it?

 

Rick had called Daryl's name a few times. When he didn't respond he went back into the family room to get him. The other man was staring out the window, looking distinctly distracted. He walked over and hauled Daryl onto his hip.

 

"See somethin' interestin' out there?"

 

"Huh?" Daryl shook his head.

 

"I made some sandwiches," Rick said while he walked them into the kitchen. He sat them down in his chair. He wasn't going to make that mistake twice. He wanted Daryl to know he could trust him to meet his needs, all his needs. Not just the ones concerned with finding them food and water, but the emotional ones. He had a feeling no one ever paid attention to those before.

 

When Daryl looked down at his plate he noticed that Rick had cut the sandwich into triangles and removed the crust. There was another baby bottle, but this one was filled with juice instead of the usual white shake. Rick brought up one of the triangles and held it to Daryl's lips. After he took a bite he reached for the bottle, but wouldn't drink it.

 

Rick watched Daryl hold the bottle in his hands. "It's okay, buddy. It's just cranberry juice. I thought since you were doing such a good job with eating, maybe we could give you less formula."

 

Daryl didn't know how to feel about that. He liked the last couple of nights of Rick cradling and feeding him until he fell asleep.

 

Rick brought the bottle to Daryl's lips "Try it," he urged.

 

The other man took a small suck. It actually wasn't that bad.

 

"Good boy, I'm so proud of you," Rick praised.

 

Daryl blushed. "I'm only drinkin'. Ain't no big deal."

 

"It is too. You're willin' to try. Before I had to force you. Now you're doin' it on your own."

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"You know," Rick said as he brought up a piece of the sandwich. "Everyone misses you. I know you're probably not ready to see anyone, but maybe you'd like to talk to them on the phone. Glenn called earlier. He keeps asking about you."

 

"What'd he say?"

 

"Daryl," Rick smiled. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

 

The other man huffed a little at that.

 

"He wanted to know how you were. He was thrilled when I told him how good you've been doing. He also got another speeding ticket."

 

Daryl chuckled.

 

Rick laughed despite himself. "Hey, come on now."

 

"Sorry," Daryl said quietly as he tried to stiffle his laughter.

 

"He's lucky that he just hasn't hurt anyone or got his license taken away."

 

They managed to have a small conversation, which was more than other days, when Rick did most of the talking. Rick fed Daryl the rest of his food. When they were finished he praised him for eating and drinking most of the juice. After they were done cleaning up, Daryl became quiet once again.

 

"Do you want to watch more TV?" Rick asked as he put the last plate away.

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"We can do somethin' else." Rick watched Daryl and noticed his eyes wander towards the toys still scattered on the floor. "Did I ever tell you I'm an expert at buildin' things?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

Rick lifted him onto his hip and toted him into the family room. "Well, I'm not so good with a hammer and nails, but I can make a mean tower out of blocks."

 

Daryl smiled as he was set on the floor.

 

Rick sat down and patted the space next to him. When Daryl sat down, Rick pulled him into his lap.

 

"Do you want to help me?"

 

Daryl nodded and followed the other man's actions as he began stacking blocks together.


	11. Chapter 11

After a long while of playing Daryl turned around and buried himself into Rick.

 

"You okay, bud?"

 

Daryl slipped his thumb into his mouth and nodded.

 

Rick was learning that this was how Daryl was telling him he wanted to be cuddled. He preferred that the other man would use his words instead since that had always been a problem with Daryl, but at least he was asking for affection. He wrapped his arms around him and began rocking from side to side.

 

"Such a good boy," Rick murmured.

 

Daryl blushed. That was the second time Rick had said that to him, and both times he felt a warm, fluttery feeling in his stomach.

 

"It's getting late. What should we do for dinner?"

 

Daryl shrugged. "You pick," he said around his thumb.

 

"No, you. What do you have a taste for? Lobster? Escargot?" Rick smirked.

 

The other man looked up at him. "S car what?"

 

Rick laughed. "It's French for snails."

 

Daryl wrinkled his nose. "I ain't eatin' that."

 

"Good, me neither," Rick smiled. "So what should we make?"

 

Daryl leaned his head on Rick's shoulder. He couldn't remember the last time he had to choose what to eat. He wasn't even sure what he liked anymore.

 

"Chicken?"

 

"We could do that. What else?"

 

"Um, mashed potatoes and... corn?"

 

Rick grinned. He was finally able to get him to verbalize what he wanted to eat. He patted Daryl's bottom gently. "That sounds good. I'm going to go get it started. Do you want to stay here to play and watch TV?"

 

Daryl nodded and went back to the blocks. Rick switched on the TV and turned it to another cartoon. As he left the room he stopped to ruffle Daryl's hair.

 

"Call me if you need me, okay?"

 

Daryl blushed at the affectionate gesture and nodded.

 

Rick hadn't been this happy since he brought Daryl home with him. They were finally making progress. He just couldn't believe it had taken him so long to see what Daryl really wanted. Now that he was thinking back it was so obvious. It was tragic that it took a fake zombie apocalypse to get Daryl what he wanted, but maybe it was worth it.

 

Just as he was taking the chicken out of the oven, he heard a loud sob from the family room. Rick dropped everything and rushed into the other room. Daryl was curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth.

 

"Buddy? What happened?"

 

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" he kept repeating through choked sobs.

 

"Turn wha-" Rick glanced up at the TV and realized the problem instantly. A commercial for a video game was on. A zombie survival game. He jumped up and hit the button on the TV. He quickly went back to the other man and pulled him into his arms. As he did he noticed Daryl's pants were wet. The nighttime accidents were more frequent, but it wasn't unusual for Daryl to struggle with them during the day as well. "Shhh, it's over. It's gone. See? It wasn't real it was just a game. It's not real." He soothed.

 

Daryl stared up at Rick with red, swollen eyes before hurling himself into his arms. "They're back!" He cried.

 

"No, no. I promise you that wasn't real. It was a commercial for a video game. It's not real."

 

"It was! It was!"

 

"It wasn't. Come on, look outside," Rick said as he gently cupped Daryl's chin and forced him to look out the window. "See? Everything is fine. See the people out there? Huh? They're okay."

 

Daryl watched the people outside. There were a couple of kids running, but they were laughing. Another woman was playing catch with her dog, obviously in no hurry to get home.

 

Rick began to sway back and forth as he gently carded his fingers through Daryl's hair. They sat together while the other man kept an eye on the world in front of him. After several minutes his tears had died down and he turned to look at Rick.

 

"It wasn't real," he said quietly, suddenly looking very ashamed.

 

"No, it was just a game," Rick smiled kindly. _A very stupid game that has no business being shown on a children's station. Or any station._

 

Daryl looked down at his lap. "I- I- "

 

Rick nodded. "It's okay, buddy. We'll just give you a bath and get you ready for bed early. I bet you could use a nice bath, huh?"

 

Daryl nodded as Rick slipped out from under him and stood up. Just as Daryl was about to get up, Rick hauled him up into his arms. Daryl forgot about his current predicament and wrapped himself around the other man.

 

When they got to the bathroom Rick settled Daryl on the counter before giving the distressed man's shoulder a pat. He began running the bath water. He picked up a bottle of soap and glanced back at Daryl. Bubble baths were always relaxing, but he'd never tried them with him before. He didn't know how he was going to react. Bubbles might be a small thing, but Daryl could have a meltdown over the smallest things. Rick decided to bite the bullet and added the soap to the water. Once the tub was filled he shut the water off and went back to Daryl.

 

"Okay, buddy, let's get you undressed."

 

Daryl slid off the counter and allowed Rick to undress him. He was a bit curious about if Rick was going to wash him like the night before. Which he didn't mind, it actually felt pretty good, but a little embarrassing too. Still, Rick was touching him, so that made up for it. When Daryl walked over to the tub he stalled and stared at the bubbles that were obscuring the view of the water.

 

"It's okay, get in," Rick said smiling.

 

As soon as Daryl's skin hit the warm water he relaxed. It was just what he needed after a round of hysterics.

 

His concerns over whether Rick was going to wash him didn't last long. The older man grabbed a clean washcloth and added soap to it.

 

"Close your eyes for me, bud," he instructed as he gently wiped Daryl's face. Once that task was accomplished he moved on to the rest of him.

 

Daryl blushed a little at first but then found himself grabbing the bubbles and creating a small tower with them.

 

As Rick rinsed him off he noticed Daryl playing. The way the other man was entranced with the foam made him think that Daryl had never had a bubble bath before, which didn't really surprise him. He grabbed a handful of the bubbles and put them on Daryl's chin.

 

Daryl looked up at him a little surprised.

 

"I wanted to see what you looked like with a beard," Rick grinned.

 

"Probably like Hershel."

 

Rick laughed. "A little bit."

 

Daryl scooped up a handful of his own bubbles and leaned up to put them on Rick's face. "Hmm," he smiled.

 

"How do I look?"

 

"Like Hershel." Daryl laughed.


	12. Chapter 12

Rick entertained Daryl with the bubbles for nearly an hour. Daryl was having so much fun that the other man had a hard time getting him out, but the water was starting to get cold and Daryl's fingers were pruney.

 

Rick chuckled as he watched Daryl blow the foam in his hand away. "Alright, buddy. I think it's time to get out."

 

Daryl frowned despite the little shiver that traveled through his body.

 

"Come on, we have to have dinner still." Rick got up to grab a towel. He shook it out and held it open. "Let's go."

 

The other man sat still.

 

"Daryl," Rick said seriously. "We can play with the bubbles again tomorrow, but not if you're gonna disobey me."

 

Daryl glared down at the water. He didn't want to get out. He wasn't even hungry, but he knew what happened when you disobeyed someone. He reluctantly stood up and allowed Rick to wrap him up and help him out of the tub.

 

"Thank you for listening," Rick said as he gently dried Daryl off. He led Daryl into the bedroom before grabbing a pair of pajamas from the dresser. "You really liked those bubbles, huh?"

 

Daryl blushed and bit his lip. "Is- is it okay?"

 

"Is what okay, bud?"

 

The other man looked down sheepishly. "To play with them?" He asked quietly.

 

Rick slipped Daryl's shirt over his head and then took the man's hands in his. "It is absolutely, one hundred and ten percent okay," he grinned.

 

Daryl smiled as he looked down at their hands. He never realized that such a small gesture could calm his nerves, but every time Rick touched him he felt something inside himself melt.

 

"I can play with them again?" He asked, sounding very small.

 

Rick lifted him onto his hip. "You can play with them tomorrow."

 

Daryl buried his head into Rick's shoulder and let the other man carry him back down into the kitchen. Just as Rick was about to set him down in a chair, the other man mumbled something against his neck.

 

"Hmm? What was that?"

 

Daryl lifted his head up. "You- you play with them too? With me?"

 

Rick stopped. Was Daryl actually asking him to play with him? Rick was too stunned to say anything. This is what he had been waiting for.

 

The silence was making Daryl nervous. Maybe that was too much. Rick had said it was okay for him to play with the bubbles, not them. He felt his whole body flush and he leaned his head back onto Rick's shoulder.

 

"Sorry," he whispered.

 

Rick gaped at him. He blew it! He fucking blew it! Daryl was verbally asking for his attention and he froze like a fucking dear in the headlights.

 

Daryl started to wiggle out of Rick's hold. "Ain't hungry. Tastes funny," he said solemnly.

 

_Fuck what am I doing? Say something!_

 

"NO!" He shouted. Rick groaned. _Not that._

 

Daryl flinched. His chin began to tremble as he resumed his attempt of escaping.

 

Rick tightened his hold as he tried to get Daryl to sit down on the chair.

 

Daryl been through this song and dance so many times and he knew that Rick always came out on top in these struggles. There was nothing else he could do. He burst into tears.

 

"Tastes funny," Daryl sobbed. "Tastes funny!"

 

Rick crouched down and grabbed Daryl's shaking arms. He could've killed himself. All the progress they had made and he shoved them back to square one.

 

"Shh, Daryl. Shit. I'm really sorry."

 

The other man fell limp in his grasp and continued to cry.

 

"I didn't mean to scare you or... SHIT."

 

Daryl flinched again. "Sorry! No hit!"

 

"No, never. I would never hit you." He had never felt this awful in his life. It was like he kicked a starving puppy. "Listen, please listen to me?"

 

Daryl bit the inside of his cheeks, trying to force the tears to stop. 

 

"No, buddy. Don't hurt yourself," Rick admonished as he reached up to touch Daryl's cheek. "I messed up. I was just surprised that you asked me that. I- I'm just not use to you asking for things. But that doesn't mean I want you to stop! I'm so proud of you for being able to do that. Please, Daryl. I'm really sorry. And I do want to play with you again. I had so much fun with you today. Do you know that?"

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"I did," Rick smiled as he moved his hands down to Daryl's knees. "You're such a good boy. And tomorrow we're gonna play with your new toys and I'll give you another bubble bath. Huh? Does that sound good?"

 

Daryl sniffed and rubbed his eyes. "Uh huh."

 

Rick held his arms out to him. "Come'ere bud."

 

Daryl wouldn't budge.

 

"Come on. It's okay."

 

He shook his head and wiped away a stray tear.

 

Rick sighed and stood up. He slipped his hands under Daryl's arms and hauled him onto his hip. Unlike all the other times, Daryl didn't lean into the embrace. He wrapped his legs around the other man's waist and began biting his thumbnail.

 

Rick was dying. He blew it. He was never going to get Daryl to open up to him again. Why did he have to get so shocked? What was wrong with him? He hugged Daryl to him tightly and began to bounce and sway with him as he went to plate the food before reheating it in the microwave.

 

He managed to get everything on the table while carrying Daryl. When he got them seated and brought the food up to him Daryl pursed his lips and turned his head.

 

"Tastes funny."

 

Rick clenched his jaw before making himself take a deep breath. "Please try it Daryl. Look? See? I'm eating it," Rick said as he took a bite of the food. "It tastes great," he said once he swallowed.

 

Daryl tried to wiggle off Rick's lap, but the other man just resituated him.

 

"Tastes funny," he whimpered.

 

Rick set the fork down and pulled Daryl to him. "I messed up. I know. But please Daryl, I'm beggin' you here, please take a bite? Even if it's just one. Please?"

 

Daryl looked down at the plate. He didn't want the food. It tasted funny. But Rick sounded so desperate and he hated hearing him sound like that. He placed his hand on Rick's and moved it towards the fork.

 

Rick let out a sigh of relief as he took the fork in his hand and stabbed some of the food with it.

 

Daryl obediently ate his food, but was quiet throughout the meal. Rick tried to keep up a gentle patter and kept telling Daryl what a good boy he was. When they were finished, Rick carried the younger man over to the counter and wet a washcloth. He carefully cleaned Daryl's face and hands, much to the other man's displeasure.

 

"Okay, bud. Should we go watch somethin' on TV? How about we find a movie?"

 

Daryl shrugged and let Rick pick him back up and carry him to the couch.

 

Rick was able to find an appropriate movie for them. No guns. No yelling. And no chance of commercials for zombie horror games interrupting them.

 

Daryl sat stiffly in Rick's arms. He wouldn't suck his thumb, only bite the nail.

 

The other man let out a long sigh and paused the movie, which Daryl didn't even seem to notice. Rick situated Daryl so that he was cradling him. 

 

"Daryl," he whispered.

 

Daryl wouldn't look at him.

 

Rick helped Daryl climb off of him. "I'm gonna go make you a bottle. It's gettin' late."

 

When Rick got back from the kitchen Daryl was curled up in the corner of the couch and it was obvious he was crying. He quickly made his way over to him.

 

"Daryl? What's wrong? Did you get scared?"

 

Daryl reached out for him. "Bo- bottle," he hiccuped.

 

Rick shook his head. "After you tell me what's wrong."

 

Daryl clenched his fists and pounded them on the couch. "BOTTLE!"

 

Rick crouched down and put the bottle behind his back. "No. We're gonna talk about the problem you're havin'."

 

Daryl didn't even know what the problem was. Rick said he liked playing with him and they were going to play more tomorrow. But was he just saying that to make him eat and to feel better? Did Rick want him as much as he wanted Rick?

 

Daryl glanced up at him. "Y-you," Daryl didn't know how to say it. He never told a woman let alone another man that he wanted their love. Daryl threw himself against Rick, sending them both back. "YOU."

 

"Me what?" Rick said as he sat them both up.

 

"You," he sobbed and pushed at Rick's chest. "You!"

 

Rick sighed and cradled Daryl close. That was all he could get out of him.


	13. Chapter 13

Rick rocked Daryl back and forth while he waited for the sobs to taper off. Every time he offered the bottle to him, Daryl would bat it away and say it tasted funny. It took nearly an hour, but the tears finally ran out and were reduced to hiccups.

 

"You," he choked.

 

"Daryl, I don't know what you're trying to say," Rick said as he brought the bottle up once more.

 

Daryl was exhausted and beyond frustrated. Rick was supposed to know. He knew everything. Why couldn't he fill in the blanks? He pushed the bottle away. "You!"

 

Rick was getting pretty fed up himself. Okay, so he messed up, big time. He couldn't let Daryl fall apart like this, but what could he do? He didn't know what "you" meant. Was Daryl trying to tell him that he was mad at him?

 

"It's gettin' late. You need to drink your bottle so I can get you tucked in."

 

Daryl allowed the nipple to be slipped into his mouth. "Y- yo- you," he sniffled before taking a suck.

 

"Do you remember our talk about how I'm not a mind reader?"

 

Daryl nodded. But he was telling him what he wanted! HIM! He wanted HIM! Maybe he wasn't saying it exactly right, but Rick could usually figure these things out. When he first brought Daryl home and he wouldn't speak at all, Rick somehow knew what he needed. It was like he had a sixth sense. Well, he wasn't going to say it. He wasn't going to make a fool of himself again. If Rick wanted him he would have to say it.

 

He leaned into Rick. "Bottle," he whispered as he began drinking.

 

Rick sighed. He knew that wasn't what Daryl wanted to tell him.

 

He rocked Daryl slowly as he fed him the bottle. When it was empty and Daryl was having trouble staying awake, Rick helped him up. Before he had a chance to lift him up, the other man started up towards the stairs. Rick snagged out his hand to grab his wrist and hauled him up into his arms.

 

Daryl's happiness with the gesture faded fast. As soon as Rick entered his bedroom and set him down he frowned. Rick might not have known what "you" meant and maybe he didn't want Daryl, but he was sure that after last night they had come up with a new sleeping routine that worked. Rick might not want him, but he liked it when he slept through the night.

 

Rick pulled the covers back and patted the mattress. "Alright, time for bed."

 

Daryl wouldn't climb into bed. He stood there shifting from foot to foot.

 

"What's the matter? Aren't you tired?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"Then get in."

 

Daryl shook his head and held his hand out to Rick.

 

He knew he should have been letting Daryl tell him what he wanted, but he was tired and confused. He needed to lay down and do some thinking himself. 

 

"Come on buddy. It's late and you need your sleep."

 

Daryl shook his head again.

 

"Daryl, what is it? Do you want another bottle?"

 

Daryl glared at Rick and grabbed his hand. He began leading them out of the room.

 

"Hey, Daryl! What-" Daryl led them into Rick's bedroom and brought them over to the bed before sitting down.

 

Rick grinned. He wanted to croon over the other man, but he figured Daryl might not be ready for that quite yet. He crouched down and put his hands on Daryl's knees.

 

"If you want to sleep with me, you can just ask."

 

Daryl blushed.

 

Rick reached up and brushed some stray bangs out of his eyes. "I'm gonna change, but I'll be right back."

 

Daryl waited for the other man to change into his pajamas. When he got back he climbed into bed and waited for Daryl to get under the covers as well. This time, Daryl didn't push himself into Rick.

 

Maybe Rick liked it better to have more space, but he didn't. Daryl wanted to be close to Rick, as close as possible. Maybe they could find some kind of compromise. He scooted over slowly.

 

Rick was waiting for Daryl to shove into him and snuggle up, but he didn't. He just kept inching himself over. He stopped when he was close to the older man, but wasn't against him. Daryl started chewing on his thumbnail.

 

"No no," Rick admonished gently. "I rather you suck your thumb than do that."

 

Daryl slipped his thumb into his mouth.

 

How could a day that started out so perfectly plummet into a big, fat disaster?

 

Well, Rick wasn't going to let it end that way.

 

Daryl couldn't understand, at least not in this state. Sometimes people have desires that others wouldn't understand, so they lock them away. Like how Daryl needed to be little. Rick had needs too. Right now he needed Daryl to be closer. It wasn't completely selfish. Daryl liked the snuggling too. Rick needed... him.

 

You

 

Rick sat up. You. That was what Daryl was trying to tell him. He needed him. Why didn't he get it before? It was so obvious!

 

_I'm a fuckin' idiot._

 

"Daryl," Rick whispered.

 

What if he was wrong though? Or it pushed the other man too far? He just got him to be able to say what he wanted to eat. And to say that he wanted to play, but he blew that one. No. He had to take this slow and speak to Daryl the way he understood, through touch.

 

Rick reached his arm out and wrapped it around Daryl. He pulled him close and gave him a squeeze.

 

Daryl couldn't believe what was happening. Rick was holding him and he didn't even have to ask. Daryl smiled behind his thumb. Just as he was about to fall asleep he felt Rick shift him up slightly and place a kiss to his head.

 

Daryl was wide awake now.

 

"My good boy," Rick mumbled sleepily.

 

Daryl looked up at the other man. He looked like he was already asleep.

 

His? His good boy?


	14. Chapter 14

Daryl had a hard time falling asleep. His mind was reeling. Rick said he was his. What did that mean? His boy? What did it mean when you belonged to someone? Surely it had to mean something, and it had to mean more than just friends. Friends didn't belong to one another.

 

Eventually he fell asleep, but he woke up before Rick. When the other man did wake up it was to Daryl staring up at him.

 

Rick was a little startled at first but managed a sleepy smile as he pulled Daryl close.

 

"Mornin' bud. Did you sleep well?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"What should we do for breakfast?"

 

"Waffles?"

 

Rick grinned. Apparently, Daryl had somewhat recovered from last night's defeat. 

 

"We can have waffles. Let's go get you dressed and I'll hop in the shower," Rick said as he untangled himself from the other man.

 

Daryl crawled out from under the covers. He wasn't ready for the snuggling to end, but he was hungry. But he wanted Rick too. He held his arms out to him.

 

Rick smiled as he went to take Daryl's hand, but the younger man shook his head.

 

"Just stretchin'?"

 

Daryl shook his head again and held his arms back out.

 

Rick cocked his head slightly. "What is it?"

 

"Up?" Daryl whispered, avoiding eye contact.

 

"Up? Oh!" Rick scooped Daryl up onto his hip. "You want to be carried?"

 

"Uh huh," Daryl nodded. He wrapped himself around Rick tightly.

 

"I'm so proud of you," Rick murmured as he carried Daryl into his room. "You told me what you wanted. Isn't that easier than getting frustrated when I can't figure it out?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

Rick sat him down on the bed and went to get an outfit together. He got the other man dressed in silence.

 

"Okay, buddy," Rick said as he pulled Daryl's shirt down. "Should I get some of your puzzles out of the closet so you can play in here while I take a shower?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

Rick went to the closet and pulled down the stack of puzzles on the top shelf, almost knocking down Daryl's old crossbow in the process. It was the only weapon Rick allowed in the house, under the condition that there weren't any arrows available for it and it stayed somewhere safe. It was like Daryl's security blanket and watching him clutch it to his chest sobbing when Rick tried to take it away was too much for either man.

 

"Here you go little man," Rick said as he handed the toys over.

 

Daryl reddened slightly at the new nickname.

 

"I'll be right back and then we'll eat," Rick said as he stopped to ruffle Daryl's hair.

 

Daryl nodded and started working on one of the puzzles. As soon as he heard the bathroom door shut and the water run he got up. He had seen the item the older man had almost dropped. He wasn't allowed to get it himself, but right now he needed the familiar weight in his hands. He went to retrieve it before grabbing a puzzle and heading towards the bathroom. He sat down and waited for Rick to finish up.

 

When Rick stepped out of the bathroom he nearly tripped over Daryl. After he regained his step he saw the crossbow sitting next to him.

 

"Daryl," Rick said sternly. "You know you have to ask me before you get that. Hand it over please."

 

Daryl grabbed the weapon and held it to him.

 

"Buddy," Rick said as he bent down and tried to pry the crossbow from Daryl's hands. "Let's put this away and go eat."

 

Daryl shook his head. "Mine."

 

"I know it's yours, but it's dangerous."

 

"No arrows."

 

"Daryl, give that to me."

 

The younger man's eyes began to well up. He needed it. 

 

"Mine."

 

"You don't it need right now."

 

Daryl burst into noisy tears and held the item tightly. Why didn't Rick understand? He did need it. He was confused and everything was feeling new again, he needed this familiarity. 

 

"Mine," he whispered.

 

Rick sighed and ran a hand over his face. Once again he didn't have the heart to rip it away. It's not like it was deadly, right now anyway; and they weren't going into public. That was the only time when Rick kept his foot down about the issue, the time Daryl wanted to take it to the store. Which ended with them not going, of course. And maybe resulted in a black eye for Rick during Daryl's hysterics.

 

"Okay," Rick sighed. "You can take it. But you be careful with it, understand?"

 

Daryl sniffed and nodded.

 

"I mean it. A pinched finger or even if you drop it on your foot it goes back into its spot."

 

"'Kay," Daryl said as he held his arms out to the other man. "Up?"

 

Rick smiled and picked Daryl up as he hugged the bow to him with one hand and slipped his thumb into his mouth with the other. As much as he hated that stupid bow and he was sure the sight of them would be obscene to anyone who saw it, Daryl looked adorable.

 

When they got to the kitchen Rick sat Daryl down on one of the chairs. 

 

"You still want waffles?"

 

Daryl nodded. "Is- is it okay?" He asked quietly. "Do you want waffles too?" Daryl looked down at the bow and ran his finger over the trigger.

 

"I love waffles," Rick said ruffling Daryl's hair. "I'll go make them. You be careful with that thing," he pointed to the weapon.

 

Daryl nodded. "I will."

 

Rick started on breakfast. He was concerned about how he was going to get the crossbow away from Daryl. It never went well. Never. Forcing it was out of the question and distracting him never worked. If he was less of a man he could try using guilt, but there was no way he going to bombard Daryl with more negative feelings. He'd just have to wait it out.

 

Rick brought the food to the table. He placed a baby bottle in Daryl's free hand. "It's orange juice," he said when he saw the other man staring at it.

 

Daryl hadn't had orange juice in long time. He didn't even remember what an orange tasted like.

 

"Hey, I got something special for these waffles."

 

Daryl looked up at the man quizzically. "Special?"

 

Rick nodded and went to the fridge. "How about some whipped cream?" He asked as he pulled the canister out.

 

"Whipped cream?"

 

"Yeah," Rick said sitting down. "Haven't you ever had it before?"

 

Daryl shrugged. "Dunno."

 

Rick held his arms open and beckoned for Daryl to sit on his lap.

 

Daryl got up from his chair and sat down on Rick's lap. When Rick held the nozzle down, Daryl jumped at the noise.

 

"Shh, little man. It's alright. Here, have a taste," Rick scooped up some whipped cream with his finger and held it to Daryl's mouth.

 

Daryl was unsure about whether or not he should eat the food off of Rick's finger. But Rick said he was his...

 

He smiled brightly when the whipped cream hit his tongue.

 

"Is that good?"

 

"Uh huh. More?"

 

"Here," Rick said grabbing the fork and stabbing the food with it. "Try it with your waffles."

 

Daryl ate everything off his plate, as well as having Rick feed him some of his. When they were finished Daryl ran his finger through the leftover syrup and whipped cream on his plate. Rick was thrilled that he was eating on his own, but he was a mess.

 

"Alright my sticky boy," Rick said as he helped the man off his lap. "Let's clean you off." Rick swooped Daryl up and deposited him on the kitchen counter. He wet a washcloth and began scrubbing off the syrup from Daryl's face.

 

Daryl whined and squirmed throughout the process.

 

Rick couldn't help but chuckle at the pout. "Come on, you won't be happy if you're sticky. Can you put the bow down so I can get your hands?"

 

Daryl didn't want to, but Rick was right; having sticky fingers wasn't fun. He set the weapon down on the counter.

 

"Good boy," Rick praised.

 

After a moment, Daryl picked the bow back up and hugged it tightly. "Yours?"

 

Rick looked back from the sink.

 

"What was that, buddy?"

 

Daryl blushed and averted his gaze. "Your good boy?"

 

Rick grinned at him before walking over to pull him into his arms. "You're my BEST boy."


	15. Chapter 15

"Do you want to go play?"

 

Daryl nodded as he held his free arm out.

 

"You want up?" Rick asked as he scooped Daryl into his arms.

 

Daryl slipped his thumb into his mouth. "Wanna play wif you," he said shyly.

 

Rick gave Daryl's tummy a tickle. "I can't let you play by yourself."

 

Daryl let out a watery giggle and tried to squirm away. Only Rick was allowed to hear him laugh like that, but then again, he was the only one who could make him laugh like that.

 

Rick set Daryl on his feet and went to get the toys. "It's a good thing I got next day delivery for your stuff, huh? I think you could put most of these puzzles together with your eyes closed," Rick smiled at Daryl.

 

Daryl still had a hard time grasping the concept of next day delivery, or any type of delivery really. They used to have to drive, and in more desperate times, walk, for miles and miles just to find something to eat. Now they could get anything from anywhere brought to their door next day.

 

As soon as Rick put the blocks down, Daryl sat on the floor and began pulling them out of the bag. Rick took a seat next to him and pulled him into his lap.

 

"What should we build?"

 

Daryl glanced down at the block in his hand. "Um, a city?"

 

"A whole city?" Rick smiled.

 

"Uh huh. Unless you wanna build somethin' else. We can do what you want."

 

"No, I think building a city will be fun."

 

They got to work on building their city. After a little while they got caught up in building quite an elaborate and massive skyscraper. Daryl was actually proud of it. It was impressive for something made out of wooden blocks. He leaned up to place the last block on top.

 

Daryl sat back into Rick and looked up at him. "Do you like it?" He asked quietly. He liked it, but that didn't matter so much. He wanted Rick to like it.

 

Rick hugged Daryl to him and kissed the top of his head.

 

Daryl grinned. He liked it when Rick did that. The only other person who had ever kissed him like that was Carol when Andrea shot him.

 

"I love it. I think this is the best tower I've ever seen."

 

"Really?" Daryl wasn't sure about that, but Rick wouldn't lie to him. So he must have really liked it.

 

"Maybe you should be an architect?"

 

Daryl furrowed his brow. "Arch-i-techt? What's an arch- what's that?"

 

Rick chuckled and held Daryl tighter. "Someone who designs buildings."

 

"Oh. I bet you'd be a good one too," Daryl said, blushing slightly.

 

Rick smiled at him. "You think?"

 

"Uh huh. You're good at lots of things," he whispered.

 

Rick looked down at him. It was still hard to believe that this was the same Daryl that fought along side of him. He was so cuddly and sweet. He was like a little lost puppy who constantly tried to act tough. But the truth was his bark was worse than his bite.

 

"You're good at a lot of things too."

 

Daryl shrugged. "Just takin' down walkers," Daryl said as he ran his fingers along the bow. "But that don't mean much now," he said quietly.

 

"You're good at a lot more than that."

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"Yes, you are. You're very creative and I can't wait for that art stuff to get here so we can put it to use. You're also very sweet."

 

Daryl blushed.

 

"You're smart too, you know that? And you know what you do really, really well?"

 

"What?"

 

Rick kissed Daryl's head. "You're the best at makin' me happy."

 

Daryl turned and stared up at Rick. "I make you happy?" Daryl asked, sounding like he was just a toddler.

 

"I'm the happiest when I'm around you," Rick replied as he tickled Daryl's side.

 

Daryl giggled and tried to squirm away, but Rick kept tickling. Daryl let out a little squeal and kicked his legs out. As he did he knocked the tower down.

 

Rick stopped and grimaced. He waited for the impending melt down.

 

Daryl stared wide eyed at the blocks. He didn't know why, but that was kind of fun. He broke into laughter.

 

Rick sighed, relieved. "Is that funny?"

 

Daryl nodded. "I liked it. Can we knock down the others?"

 

Rick chuckled. "I think we can do that. Should we attack the city together?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

Together they managed to knock over every building. Once they were destroyed, Daryl started stacking the blocks again, only to bring them down once more. After quite a few rounds of this, Daryl leaned back into Rick and brought his thumb to his mouth.

 

"Feelin' a little tired?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"It's almost time for lunch. Do you want to watch some TV while I make it?"

 

Daryl nodded again. "Grilled cheese?" He asked as he scrambled to his feet.

 

Rick stood up. "Is that what I should make us?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

Rick wrapped his arms around the other man and placed a kiss to his temple. "That's my good boy. Thank you for telling me what you want."

 

Daryl blushed. There was that warm, melting feeling again.

 

Rick released him and let him get settled on the couch. He turned the television on and selected an appropriate show. Before handing the remote over he crouched down and took Daryl's free hand.

 

"Remember, commercials and shows aren't real. But if something scares you I want you to turn it off and come get me. Okay?"

 

"'Kay."

 

Rick smiled as he stood up. He reached out and ruffled Daryl's hair. "Smart boy. I'll call you when lunch is ready."

 

Daryl grinned around his thumb and hugged his crossbow to him tightly.


	16. Chapter 16

Lunch went down without a hitch. Daryl even picked a little at Rick's food. When everything was finished and cleaned up they went into the family room and settled on the couch. Daryl sidled up close to Rick and leaned against him.

 

"I think someone is gettin' tired," Rick said as he slipped his arm around the other man.

 

Daryl shrugged. "Ain't that sleepy."

 

Rick smiled down at him. He was pretty sure if he warmed up a bottle and fed Daryl, the man would be out like a light in minutes.

 

Just as he was about to get up and make one, the doorbell rang. Daryl jumped at the noise.

 

"Shhh," Rick soothed as he rubbed Daryl's arm. "It's just the stuff we ordered."

 

Rick stood up and waited for Daryl to follow him. When he got to the front door and opened it the delivery man stared quizzically at Daryl. He had never delivered to a man holding crossbow in his arms like it was a teddy bear.

 

Daryl noticed the man's gaze and held the bow tighter. "No arrows," he said quietly.

 

Rick turned to Daryl and chuckled. "There aren't any arrows in it," he said to the man at the door.

 

"Oh, that's good to hear," he said, somewhat nervously. The whole situation was getting a little awkward for him. He handed the packages in his arms over to Rick. "I have some more in the truck."

 

Rick nodded as he set the load down on the floor.

 

Daryl watched with interest as Rick and the man filled the front hall with box after box. There was a lot more stuff than Daryl had realized.

 

Once all the boxes were inside and the delivery man was gone, Rick turned to Daryl and smiled.

 

"I'm goin' go get somethin' to open these. Stay here, okay?"

 

Daryl nodded and waited for Rick to return.

 

"Which one should we open first?" Rick asked, once he returned.

 

"Dunno," Daryl shrugged and sat down on the floor.

 

Rick had a pretty good idea of what Daryl wanted the most. He looked through the boxes and selected the one he was looking for and opened it. He could see that Daryl was watching him intently. When the box was opened he pulled the toy out and handed it to the other man.

 

Daryl set the crossbow down beside him. He stared at the stuffed bear. It was much nicer than the one he had when he was kid. He ran his fingers over the silky like fur and smiled.

 

Rick pulled out a soft blanket and sat down across from Daryl. "I, uh, I got you this too."

 

Daryl placed the bear down gently in his lap and carefully took the blanket into his hands. It was extremely soft and he liked the feeling of the silk lining beneath his fingers. Down near the corner was his name in blue.

 

"It has your name on it, see?" Rick said as he pointed to the embroidery. "That means it's yours and no one can take it from you."

 

He hadn't seen this when they were looking at stuff yesterday. If he had he wouldn't of let Rick get it. It was too much for him. In fact, all of this stuff was. He didn't deserve this it. He wasn't worth it.

 

"Do you like it?" Rick asked, a little nervously. Maybe he should of brought the stuff out more slowly and let Daryl get used to one thing at a time. But he was so excited to see the other man finally get what he couldn't have before.

 

Daryl nodded slowly. He couldn't believe himself when he felt a tear fall from his eye. He quickly wiped at it.

 

"I'm sorry Daryl. I moved too fast. It's okay, don't be upset."

 

Daryl shook his head fervently and crawled into Rick's lap. He wrapped his arm around the other man's neck while he held the blanket and bear in the other. "I- I really like it," he whispered. "But-"

 

Rick began rubbing Daryl's back. "But what, little man?"

 

"I'm no good."

 

Rick sat Daryl back and looked at him square in the eye. "Don't you ever say that."

 

Daryl bit his lip and looked away. "Sorry."

 

"Listen, you are the best thing in this world, you hear me? You're a good kid with a beautiful heart. And there's no one I would rather have by my side than you. Walkers or not."

 

Daryl smiled bashfully and leaned into Rick. "Thank you," he said quietly. He wanted to tell Rick he felt the same way towards him, but he couldn't do it.

 

Rick smiled and wrapped his arms around him. "You're welcome Daryl. I'm glad you're happy, but I want to to know that you deserve this and I'm so proud of you."


	17. Chapter 17

The two of them opened all the boxes. Daryl was mesmerized by each toy and Rick had to keep urging him to look at a different item.

 

"Can we draw with the crayons?" Daryl asked eagerly as he opened box and peeked at all the colors. "What can we draw with them?"

 

Rick chuckled at the other man's excitement. "You can draw whatever you want. Let's look at some other stuff," Rick said as he gently took the crayons from Daryl and set them aside. He picked up a package of cars and handed them to Daryl. "Wow, I bet Glenn would like these. We'll have to have him come over and show him."

 

Daryl didn't know about that. He couldn't let Glenn see him playing with toys. He'd make fun of him for sure.

 

"It would be hard to get a speeding ticket with these, huh?" Rick smirked. "But I'm sure he'd find a way."

 

Daryl giggled at that. "But maybe... we can send him a photo or somethin'? He ain't gotta come here."

 

"I'm not gonna force you to see anyone you're not ready to see. You don't gotta worry about that."

 

Daryl nodded as he leaned back into Rick.

 

"But I was thinkin' maybe you could talk to Carol later? I have to call her anyway. I know she misses you."

 

Daryl bit his lip. "Make fun of me," he mumbled.

 

"No. They wouldn't dare. There's nothing to make fun of anyway. You're my good, smart boy. Everyone is proud of you. Will you think about it?"

 

Daryl nodded. "Kay."

 

They went through the rest of the boxes. By the time they were done Daryl was limp in Rick's arms and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

 

"How about you go take a rest on the couch while I clean up?"

 

Daryl nodded and stood up. He held his blanket and bear tightly as he made his way into the family room, leaving the old crossbow on the floor.

 

Rick quickly started sorting through everything. He picked up all the plastic wrap and empty boxes and threw them in the garage. He could deal with that mess later. He looked around the room and saw the box he had kept out of Daryl's view. He wasn't looking forward to Daryl's reaction to what was inside, but he'd get over it. Eventually.

 

Daryl was sitting on the couch clutching his blanket and bear to him closely as he focused on the television program in front of him. Rick crouched down in front of Daryl.

 

"Hey buddy, I need to talk to you about something."

 

The other man gripped his blanket and bear tighter. He knew this was going to happen. He really thought Rick was different.

 

"No, no. It's okay. Those are yours and no one is gonna take them away. I promise."

 

Daryl's posture relaxed a little.

 

Rick stalled for a moment. He wasn't exactly sure how to start this conversation. "You've been having a hard time... It's just that..." Rick sighed. "I got you something to help with the accidents. I know you're not going to like it, but it's something you're gonna have to accept."

 

Daryl felt his cheeks go hot.

 

"You don't have to be embarrassed bud. You can't help it and that's okay. But this will be easier than changing your clothes and sheets every time." Rick said as he pulled the box over. "You can wear pull ups during the day and diapers at night."

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

"I know you don't want to, but it isn't an option."

 

Darryl's chin started to tremble. Rick knew he wasn't going to get Daryl follow him willingly. He picked up the box with one hand and managed to haul Daryl up with the other. He was expecting a fight, but the other man just buried his head on Rick's shoulder and cried.

 

Rick would have preferred a fight to the heart wrenching sobs. He felt awful, but this was in Daryl's best interest. He carried Daryl into his bedroom and set him on the floor. Rick did his best to ignore the tears and carefully pulled down Daryl's lounge pants and underwear.

 

"Step out buddy."

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

Rick sighed and picked Daryl back up again, leaving the clothes behind. He sat him down on the bed before retrieving a pull up. He managed to gently wrangle Daryl's legs into it and pulled it up. He went back to get the discarded pants and helped the other man put them back on.

 

"There," Rick smiled. "Do you think you can tell me when you're wet?"

 

Daryl held his blanket and bear to him tightly as he continued to cry.

 

Rick picked him up and set him at the head of the bed. "How about we take a rest, the both of us?"

 

The other man nodded. "Bo-bottle?"

 

"Yeah, buddy. I'll go get you one. Do you wanna come too or stay here?"

 

Daryl crawled under the covers and pulled them tight around himself.

 

"Alright, I'll be right back."

 

Rick prepared the bottle as fast as he could. He hated leaving Daryl when he was so upset, or at all really. When he got back to his bedroom the other man had buried himself under the comforter and was sniffling. Rick got in the bed on the other side.

 

"Come'ere bud," Rick said as he held his arms out.

 

Daryl wouldn't budge.

 

"I have your bottle."

 

Daryl snatched his hand out from under the covers and waited for Rick to hand it over.

 

Rick frowned. "Come on, Daryl. Don't you want me to feed you?"

 

Daryl open and closed his fist, signaling for Rick to hand the bottle over.

 

He wasn't going to let Daryl sit there and be upset. He understood why he was embarrassed, but this had to happen whether or not Daryl was going to be his baby. He pried the covers off the other man and pulled a resisting Daryl into lap.

 

Daryl kicked and cried as he tried to free himself.

 

"Daryl, hush now. That's enough. I know you're upset and you don't like it, but it's happening."

 

Daryl knew there was no sense in arguing with Rick. He never came out on top and he knew deep down Rick was making sense, but that didn't mean he had to like it. He stopped fighting and allowed the other man to cradle him close.

 

"I don't wanna wear these," he sniffled.

 

"I know," Rick said sympathetically.

 

Daryl attempted to wipe his nose on sleeve, but Rick stopped him. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a tissue.

 

"Blow," Rick ordered.

 

Daryl did what he was told. Once Rick had gently used his thumbs to wipe away his tears he slipped the bottle into Daryl's mouth.

 

"That's my good boy," he cooed once Daryl started drinking. "We'll just take a rest and when we wake up we can play with your new toys. Does that sound good?"

 

Daryl nodded. It didn't take long before he was fast asleep. Rick smiled down at him. Daryl made the cutest little snuffling sounds. He placed a gentle kiss to his head. He was content watching the other man sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Daryl woke with a start. He blinked up at Rick and whimpered before throwing himself against him. 

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Dream," Daryl mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

 

Rick crooned at the other man, making him blush.

 

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

 

Daryl shook his head. "Can we play now?"

Rick smiled. "Of course we can," he said slipping out from underneath Daryl. Once he was standing he hauled Daryl onto his hip. "What should we play with first?"

 

Daryl rubbed the satin lining of his blanket above his lip. "Color?"

 

"You wanna color?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

"We can do that." Rick carried Daryl down into the kitchen and set him on a chair. "I'm gonna go get your stuff," he said as he went to the front hall to grab the box that held the art supplies. When he came back he set some paper and the box of crayons in front of Daryl.

 

"What should I draw?" Daryl asked quietly as he opened the crayons.

 

"You can draw anything you want."

 

Daryl nodded and began pulling crayons out. He stared at the paper for about a minute before starting.

 

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna start dinner," Rick said as he ruffled the other man's hair.

 

"'Kay," Daryl said, not bothering to look up.

 

Rick really wanted to stay and watch Daryl. He was beyond curious about what he would draw. He had a feeling it wouldn't be a pretty scene, but it might help with some of the emotions he was having trouble expressing. After he was done getting everything started he went back to Daryl and sat down next to him.

 

"What're you drawin' there?"

 

"Woods."

 

Rick looked over at the paper and smiled. "That looks like your new bear."

 

"Uh huh," Daryl replied bashfully. "He used to live there."

 

"He did?" Rick grinned. "I bet he likes it here with you better though."

 

Daryl nodded. "He does... But sometimes he misses outside."

 

Rick was feeling incredibly happy they had come across that toy. Maybe it would help Daryl convey what he was really feeling. Daryl might be embarrassed to say it, but maybe the bear wasn't. This was the first time Daryl had ever hinted about feeling anything about being outdoors.

 

"Maybe we should go for a walk sometime."

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"Did your new bear tell you what his name is yet?"

 

Daryl bit his lip and blushed. "It's... Cloud."

 

"Cloud?" Rick smiled. "Why Cloud?"

 

"Just his name is all."

 

"Well I like it. It's nice to meet you Cloud."

 

Daryl looked up at Rick and smiled shyly. "He says it's nice to meet you too," he said as he returned his focus back to the paper.

 

The next few minutes went by in silence while Rick watched Daryl get lost in his picture.

 

"Rick?" Daryl asked quietly.

 

"What is it, little man?"

 

Daryl blushed. "Will you color too?"

 

"I can try," he replied as he slid a piece of paper in front of himself. "What should I make?"

 

Daryl shrugged. "You can make anything."

 

Rick smiled and began drawing.

 

After awhile Daryl finished his picture and turned his focus to Rick's. He leaned over and smiled. "That's me."

 

Rick nodded. "It is," he said as he placed the crayon down.

 

"Can you draw you?"

 

"I think I can handle that." Rick reached over to grab another sheet of paper but was stopped by Daryl's hand.

 

He shook his head. "Draw it on that one," he said pointing to the paper in front of Rick.

 

"You want me to draw us together?" Rick asked.

 

"Uh huh."

 

Rick began drawing himself next to Daryl. Once he was finished adding in little details like the sky and some trees, he slid the picture over to him.

 

The other man smiled around his thumb.

 

"What do you think? Is it good?"

 

Daryl nodded. "It's us," he said proudly.

 

Rick chuckled. "It is," he said standing up. "And look at your beautiful picture! Should we hang this up on the fridge?"

 

Daryl shrugged as he stared at Rick's creation. "Hang this one up too?"

 

Rick turned and smiled at him. "Can you bring it here?"

 

Daryl nodded and carefully brought the picture over to Rick. Once it was up, Daryl stared happily at it. He pointed to the figure of himself. "That's me," he then pointed to the drawing of Rick. "And that's you. We're together."

 

Rick pulled Daryl to his side and placed a kiss to his temple. "We sure are. Dinner is done. Can you clean up while I get our food?"

 

Daryl nodded and carefully got everything cleaned up. As soon as the food was on the table and Rick sat down, Daryl climbed on top of him.

 

"I think we should get Cloud and your blanket out of the way. We don't want to spill anything on them."

 

The other man glanced at the objects in his hands. "Can I have them back?"

 

"Of course you can. As soon as we're through with dinner. You can place them on the chair right there and see them the whole time."

 

Daryl carefully placed the objects down on the nearby chair.

 

"You said I can have them back after dinner," Daryl said, sounding a bit unsure.

 

"I promise, you can have them back as soon as we're done."

 

Daryl relaxed against Rick and let the man feed him. Rick never broke a promise to him before. As soon as Daryl was done eating and Rick had cleaned him up, he rushed over to grab Cloud and his blanket.

 

"Now," Rick said heaving Daryl onto his hip. "I have to call Carol before she thinks we've disappeared. Do you want to call her with me?"

 

"She laugh at me?"

 

"I promise no one is gonna laugh at you. If you don't feel like talking it's okay. I'll just tell her you're listening and she can say hi. How does that sound?"

 

Daryl nodded before leaning his head on Rick's shoulder. "'Kay."


	19. Chapter 19

The phone rang a few times before it was picked up.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey, Carol." 

 

"Rick! My god, I was worried something might of happened. I tried calling earlier this week. Luckily, I was able to get a hold of Glenn and he told me you were still alive."

 

Rick smiled as he rubbed Daryl's shoulder. He could tell the man on his lap was getting apprehensive. "Yeah, sorry about that. But I think I have somethin' that will make up for it. You're on speaker and I have Daryl here."

 

Carol was shocked to say the least. Glenn had given her a run down of what Rick was doing and the strides Daryl had made, but she would've never guessed just how big those strides were. The last she heard was Daryl was still wary around phones.

 

"Daryl?" She had to do her best to tamp down on her excitement. She felt like if she didn't keep herself in check she could've started cheering or attacking him with questions. "How are you?"

 

Daryl bit his lip and looked at Rick.

 

"It's alright. Can you say hello?" Rick tried gently.

 

"It's okay if you can't Daryl. I understand, but can I talk to you for awhile?"

 

"I-I can talk," he said quietly.

 

Carol was beaming. Daryl sounded so little. Glenn really wasn't kidding.

 

"I'm so proud of you," Rick murmured.

 

"How are you sweetheart?"

 

"Okay."

 

"Is Rick taking good care of you?"

 

Daryl nodded his head fervently. "He is!"

 

Both Rick and Carol chuckled at his sudden enthusiasm.

 

"He's pretty good at that, huh?"

 

"Uh huh."

 

"What have you two been doing?"

 

Daryl blushed and leaned into Rick. "Dunno," he said as he hugged his blanket and bear to him.

 

"You don't know?" Rick teased. "What did we do this morning?"

 

"Blocks," he whispered.

 

"What did we do with the blocks?"

 

"We built a city... and we knocked it down."

 

"That sounds like a lot of fun!"

 

Daryl smiled and relaxed a little. Carol wasn't laughing at him.

 

"Did we do something special for breakfast?"

 

"We had waffles with whipped cream."

 

"That is a special breakfast! And you're eating? I'm so proud of you!"

 

Daryl blushed.

 

"And Rick got me toys and a bear named Cloud. And he got me blanket with my name on it."

 

Carol grinned. "It sounds like Rick got you a lot of nice things."

 

"Uh huh. And we colored. Rick said it's okay for boys to color. He colored too. He drew me and him!"

 

"He did?" Carol couldn't believe this was the same man she had survived the end of the world with. He was the last person she would've thought would've been so little deep down. This was the man who got excited over killing possums and squirrels. Now he was babbling happily over crayons. If she didn't know his voice so well, she would've sworn she was talking to a child. In a way though, she was.

 

"Is it okay?"

 

"Is what okay Daryl?" Carol asked. 

 

"I can... I can color?"

 

Rick was a little surprised that Daryl was asking for Carol's approval, especially since they talked about it already. But she was important to him and her opinion obviously mattered.

 

"Honey, it is very okay. I bet you're a terrific artist too. Would you draw something for me sometime? Rick could mail it."

 

Daryl smiled bashfully as he snuggled further into Rick. "'Kay. But you can come here and I can show you..."

 

Rick looked down at Daryl, stunned. "You want Carol to come visit buddy?"

 

Daryl nodded. "She can see my art and Glenn can come and see the cars."

 

Rick hugged Daryl tightly. "You hear that Carol? We're gonna have to make arrangements for you to come out here."

 

"You just tell me when and I'll be on my way."

 

"Rick?" Daryl asked as he looked up at the other man.

 

"Yeah, bud?"

 

"Don' wanna talk anymore," he said quietly. "Can I go play?"

 

Rick nodded. "Sure buddy. Can you say goodbye first?"

 

"Bye, Carol."

 

"Bye, Daryl. I can't wait to see you. You keep being a good boy, okay?"

 

"I will," Daryl said as he climbed off of Rick. He made his way to the middle of the room and sat down by the pile of toys.

 

Rick picked up the phone and took it off speaker.

 

"Daryl? I'm gonna go in the other room and finish talking. You come and get me if you need me, alright?"

 

Daryl nodded as he began setting up his little cars.

 

"So," Rick started once he was in the other room.

 

"Oh, Rick. He's doing so well," Carol smiled. "And he sounds adorable."

 

"Wait til you see him in person."

 

"Glenn told me. I think it's a wonderful idea and it seems to be working... But..."

 

"But?"

 

"Is it hard for you?"

 

"You mean havin' a kid again?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Rick shook his head and smiled. "I'm actually havin' a great time with him. You know, after that day, he really became my whole world," Rick said quietly. "And maybe I'm just too full of myself but I think I'm his," he said, blushing slightly.

 

"You're not full of yourself," Carol soothed. "I think you were his everything even back in Georgia. He only looked at you like that."

 

"You think?" He smiled. "He's such a good kid. He's always been really, he just had to hide it. The things he went through growing up... It would make you sick."

 

Carol nodded. She knew a little bit about Daryl's childhood. "Now he has you though."

 

Rick smiled. "Yes he does."


	20. Chapter 20

Rick finished up his phone call with Carol. They parted on a light note and a promise that Rick would send her one of Daryl's drawings. When he went back to the family room Daryl was laying on his stomach and sucking his thumb as he raced a car around.

 

"Are you ready for your bath?"

 

Daryl scrambled to his feet. "Bubbles?"

 

Rick laughed as he made his way over to pick Daryl up. "Maybe I should have just bought you a lifetime supply of bubbles," he said as he tickled the other man's side.

 

Daryl giggled and curled up against Rick. "I like 'em."

 

"I know you do," Rick replied as he toted Daryl upstairs and into the bathroom. Once he set Daryl down he started the water and poured a liberal amount of soap in. When he went back to Daryl to undress him, the other man shifted away. "What's the matter bud? I put the bubbles in and we got some new bath toys to try out." Rick reached for the waistband of Daryl's pants.

 

Daryl batted his hands away.

 

"Daryl? Is something wrong?"

 

Daryl was nibbling on his bottom lip and gripping his bear and blanket nervously. "I can do it," he whispered.

 

Rick stepped back and frowned. Daryl never got dressed or undressed by himself, and he never fought it. He wanted Daryl to be his baby, but if the other man wanted more dependence he couldn't fight that. The most important thing was his health.

 

"If you want to undress yourself you can."

 

"By myself," Daryl whispered.

 

Now that was out of the question. Daryl was really only allowed to be alone when he was asleep, and even that had to be monitored from time to time. The doctors would chew Rick out for leaving him alone when he cooked or talked on the phone. He wasn't going take an even bigger chance leaving Daryl by himself in a room that held a plethora of ways to kill himself.

 

Rick shook his head. "No. You know I can't leave you alone in here."

 

Daryl stomped his foot. "By myself!"

 

"No. Now you can undress yourself or I'm gonna do it."

 

Daryl tried to walk away, but Rick snagged his wrist.

 

The other man let out a frustrated shriek and tried to wiggle free.

 

Rick wondered if this sudden burst of bravado was a result of talking to Carol. He managed to get Daryl to hold still long enough to wrangle his shirt off. When he grabbed the other man's pants Daryl tried to push him away, but it didn't do any good. Rick pulled his pants down and frowned.

 

"Oh, bud..."

 

Daryl's chin started to tremble as he hid his flaming face in his blanket.

 

"Why didn't you tell me you were wet?" He realized that was an absurd question as soon as he said it. If Daryl wasn't going to ask to cuddle, he certainly wasn't going to ask to be changed. "It's alright," Rick sighed as he freed Daryl of the wet pull up. "You're a little red. Does it hurt?"

 

Daryl shrugged.

 

"Let's get you in the tub and then we'll take care of that. Okay?" Rick said, smiling sweetly. "You're going to have to put those down. They can't take a bath with you."

 

Daryl uncovered his face and timidly handed the items over.

 

Rick took them and carefully placed them out of harm's way on the counter.

 

"That's my good boy." Rick picked Daryl up and set him gently down in the water.

 

Daryl sniffled and rubbed at his swollen eyes.

 

"Come on, you don't have to be upset. I should've checked. Shh, it's not your fault."

 

"'m sorry," the other man said softly.

 

"I know, but we're gonna fix everything, right? We always do."

 

Daryl smiled a little at that.

 

"I have your new bath toys. Do you want 'em?"

 

Daryl nodded.

 

Rick dumped the basket of toys into the water, splashing him and Daryl as he did.

 

"Rick!" Daryl laughed. "You splashed me!"

 

The other man chuckled. "Sorry about that, but you had to get wet anyway," he said, ruffling Daryl's hair.

 

Daryl was mostly quiet throughout his bath. He was quiet but happy. Bubble baths by themselves were amazing and he didn't think they could get any better until Rick threw the toys in.

 

When he was finished washing the other man, Rick reached down and grabbed one of the plastic boats. He gently bumped it into Daryl's stomach to get his attention.

 

Daryl looked up at him and smiled.

 

"Do you wanna make a tunnel out of bubbles for your boat?"

 

"You know how?" Daryl asked, fully intrigued by the idea.

 

Rick laughed a little. "It's not really rocket science."

 

Once again the two got lost in their little game and they ended up playing for nearly an hour. Rick didn't want to get Daryl out of the water. The sight of seeing him so happy and relaxed thrilled him. In fact, just watching Daryl now was enough to add a spring to his step. Even the slightest of smiles could make his heart leap.

 

Daryl shivered as he dunked one of his toy fish underwater.

 

"Alright, my little fish. It's time to get out."

 

"Not your little fish, 'm your good boy," Daryl said shyly.

 

"That's right," Rick said as he reached out to stroke the other man's cheek. "You're my good boy."

 

Daryl leaned into the touch and whined slightly when Rick pulled away to get a towel.

 

"Okay, stand up."

 

Daryl didn't stall this time. Rick had told him yesterday they could play again and they had. They were going to play tomorrow too, and the next day.

 

"My good, good boy. Thank you for listening," Rick said as he began drying the other man off. He lifted Daryl onto his hip and snatched Cloud and his blanket from the counter. He carried him into the master bedroom and set him down on the bed. "Can you lay down for me?"

 

Daryl looked up at Rick, confusion sketched in every facial feature. "Not time to sleep yet and I'm not dressed."

 

Rick smiled down at him. "I know, but I have to put some medicine on that rash and remember what we talked about earlier?"

 

Daryl's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Don' hafta. It doesn't hurt," Well, that wasn't entirely true. "I can wear a pull-up."

 

"No buddy. Not when you're sleepin'. And that rash might not hurt too bad now, but it will if we don't put some medicine on it."

 

Daryl hugged his blanket and bear tightly.

 

"Lay down, okay?"

 

He didn't want to lay down, but the rash wasn't comfortable, and he knew from the time he was lost in the woods that the pain would get worse. He laid down and brought his thumb to his mouth.

 

"You're being such a good listener. What do you think we should do after this?"

 

"Dunno," Daryl lisped around his thumb. He felt his whole body tense and flush when Rick helped bend his legs and push them up.

 

"Well, we can play some more or we can color again," Rick said as he squeezed the medicine onto his fingers and began to gently massage it in.

 

Daryl wiggled when the cold cream hit his skin.

 

"Hold still for me, bud."

 

The cream was soothing on his heated flesh, but it was embarrassing and he didn't like it.

 

Rick took pity on Daryl. He knew this must of been hard and humiliating for him, so he didn't want to prolong it. Once the cream was on he slipped the diaper beneath him. After a quick dusting of powder he brought it up between his legs and secured it.

 

"There," he said as he helped Daryl sit up. "Now let's finish getting you dressed."

 

Daryl frowned. He didn't like the stupid diaper at all. It made noises when he moved and the bulk kept his thighs apart. These things were dangerous if he ever had to make a run for it.

 

Rick slipped a shirt over the other man's head.

 

"Don' like it." Daryl pouted.

 

Rick nodded sympathetically. "I know, but you'll get used to it." He helped Daryl into a pair of pajama pants before hauling him onto his hip.

 

"Will not," Daryl shot back.

 

"We'll see about that," Rick said as he rubbed Daryl's back. He carried him back downstairs into the family room.

 

As much as he wanted to be angry about the situation, Daryl really wanted to play with Rick. As soon as he was set on the floor he started pulling out the toys.

 

Rick took a seat and joined him. It didn't take long before they were both engrossed in a game involving Spiderman, dinosaurs, and cars. Rick thought that he might have been enjoying himself more than Daryl was. He had no idea what an imagination the other man had.

 

When it was apparent Daryl was getting tired, Rick got up to make him a bottle. By the time he got back the other man was sitting up and trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.

 

"Come on little man, it's bedtime."

 

"With you? I sleep with you?"

 

Rick grinned at him. "Of course, you can sleep with me," he said as he picked Daryl up.

 

"And tomorrow too? And the next night? And- and the one after that?"

 

Rick laughed and hugged him closely. "Any time you want, bud."

 

Daryl bit his lip and leaned his head on Rick's shoulder. "I can sleep and play with you forever?"


	21. Chapter 21

This time, Rick didn't let himself get thrown off guard by the question. There was no way he was going to freeze and screw up again.

 

"Forever and ever, buddy," Rick smiled.

 

Daryl snuggled deep against him.

 

"Promise?" He asked quietly a moment after. If Rick promised then it was set in stone.

 

Rick nodded as he laid the other man down on the bed. "I promise. But forever is a long time you know," Rick sat down on the edge of the bed and began carding his fingers through Daryl's hair. "Are you sure you won't get sick of me?" He smirked.

 

Daryl grinned and shook his head. "Would- would you get sick of me?"

 

"I could never get sick of you," Rick said seriously.

 

"But what if I cry?"

 

Rick looked at him a little puzzled. "Then I will hold you and wipe away the tears."

 

"But what if I get scared?"

 

"Then," Rick smiled. "I will hold you tighter until you weren't afraid anymore," he said as he got comfortable and allowed Daryl to climb in his lap so he could be cradled. He slipped the bottle into the other man's mouth and rocked him slowly.

 

After a few minutes Daryl's eyes were drooping. He spat the nipple out and looked up at Rick. "What if I..." he paused for a moment. He wasn't quite sure how to say the next part. "What if I wanna play with toys? And color? And want you to feed me forever?" He whispered.

 

"Then we'll play, color, and I'll feed you."

 

"But I'm suppose to be a grown up," Daryl said sadly. "And boys can't do those things. It's not... right."

 

"Daryl, remember what Carol and I said? It's perfectly fine for you to play and color. And when you're with me you can be whatever you feel. I don't care if you're little around me. I'll accept you no matter what."

 

"You don' wanna take care of me forever though."

 

Rick sat Daryl up and gently lifted his chin so they were looking eye to eye. "There is nothing I want more than to have you here forever. You're my boy."

 

Daryl wiggled himself out of Rick's grasp and leaned against him. "I don' wanna make you sad or nothin'."

 

"You could never make me sad," he said, kissing Daryl's crown firmly. "You make me so happy. Sometimes, you make me happy even when you're asleep."

 

Daryl blinked up at him. How could someone make another person happy when they were sleeping?

 

"How do I do that?"

 

Rick grinned. "You just look so content sucking your thumb. Did you know that you make this little snuffling sound when you sleep?"

 

Daryl blushed and shook his head.

 

"You do. And I love it when you cuddle up really close to me," Rick reached down and tickled Daryl's tummy.

 

Daryl laughed softly and tried to squirm away.

 

"Oh, that's funny to you, huh?" Rick reached over and dug his fingers into Daryl's sides.

 

Daryl giggled and curled up tight.

 

"Is that funny?" Rick asked as he pounced on top of Daryl and started tickling him all over.

 

Daryl let out a playful shriek as he started laughing and twisting away from Rick.

 

"Huh? Is that funny?" Rick laughed and started to tickle more frantically.

 

"Stop!" Daryl laughed.

 

"Say the magic word."

 

Daryl began laughing hysterically. "Stop, Rick!"

 

"Not the magic word!"

 

He wrapped his arms around himself to protect him from Rick's attacking fingers. "Stop! Stop, Daddy!"

 

Rick hands stopped immediately. He leaned over the other man, completely stunned. He couldn't take his eyes of off Daryl's.

 

Daryl's cheeks were flaming. He averted his gaze and opened and closed his mouth a few times, desperately trying to come up with an explanation. "I- I-" His eyes welled up with tears as he pushed Rick off him harshly and ran out of the room. 

 

Rick hadn't seen him move that fast since that last day in Georgia.


	22. Chapter 22

When Rick stepped out into the hallway he noticed Daryl's door was shut. He was relieved when he found it unlocked. He was in no mood to bust down any doors at the moment. Rick opened the door slowly and scanned the bedroom. Daryl was huddled in a ball between the wall and the dresser. Rick made his way over to the bed and sat down.

 

"Come'ere Daryl. Let's talk."

 

Daryl kept his head buried in his knees.

 

"Alright," Rick sighed as he stood up. "If you won't come here, I'll go there." Rick made his way over to the other man and sat down across from him. "Daryl?"

 

Daryl shifted away from him.

 

"Daryl, it's okay. You don't have to be embarrassed. It's okay, really."

 

Rick's face saddened when he heard muffled sniffles.

 

"Buddy-"

 

"Don't call me that!" Daryl sobbed into his knees. "'M not your buddy or your little man or your boy!"

 

Rick looked at him sadly. "You're all those things and more," he said as he reached to stroke Daryl's back. The other man jerked away harshly.

 

Rick decided it was time to come clean, about everything. It didn't matter if Daryl didn’t want to hear it. He was going to.

 

"Do you remember that day? Our last day in Georgia?"

 

Daryl didn't respond. He refused to talk about that day to anyone. He didn't see that. He didn't feel it. It wasn't real. Rick was fine, nothing happened.

 

"Do you remember what I said to you after I was bit?"

 

Daryl lifted his head. His eyes were red and swollen and his cheeks were stained with tear tracks. "DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!"

 

"Do you remember what I said?" Rick repeated.

 

Daryl tried to get up to run away, but Rick snatched his arm and pulled him to himself. When he started thrashing wildly trying to get away, Rick just held him tighter.

 

He kicked and screamed with all he had, which wasn't much. Eventually, he fell limp against the other man, spiraling into a fit of hysterics. "Don't talk about that. Don't talk about that," he repeated through choking sobs.

 

"I said you were a good kid, remember? Do you know why I said that?"

 

Daryl tried to cover his ears, but Rick grabbed his arms and held them down.

 

"I said you weren't like them. Do you who I was talking about?"

 

The other man was crying too hard to respond.

 

"I always thought that when you're dying your life flashes before your eyes, but I didn't see my life that day. I saw yours."

 

Rick wasn't sure if Daryl was listening, but he had to trudge forward.

 

"At first, I found myself in this small room. It was filled with cigarette smoke and there were empty booze bottles everywhere. It was dark, but with the little light there was I could just make out a tall figure looming over something. I moved closer and was taken aback by the scent of liquor coming off of it. I kept moving closer and realized it was a man. He was standing over a little boy who was crying. The man was screaming at him, calling him things I couldn't even say to the lowest piece of dirt on the planet. Then the man raised his hand and started bringing it down over and over again on the child. I lunged forward to stop him, but I fell right through him. I sat helplessly as I watched this monster beat this child. I begged him to stop, but no one heard me."

 

Daryl's cries started to soften.

 

"Then everything around me changed. I was outside in the woods. For a second I thought I was back with the group, but then I saw that little boy again, only he was a little older. He was with another man, but this one was much younger. He had a rifle with him and his hands were bloody. The little boy was wiping at his eyes, trying so hard not to cry. Then the older boy turned around and laughed and said, 'don't be such a pussy baby brother.' The little boy sniffled and I heard him whimper, 'Merle'. The other boy told him to stop crying over a dead rabbit, but that made the little boy burst into tears. The older one came and pushed him down, hard. Again I tried to grab the older one and again I fell right through him."

 

Rick could tell Daryl was listening to him. The other man was sitting still and sniffling.

 

"After that, I found myself back at the prison. You and I were walkin' around the perimeter. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary," Rick stopped and smiled. "Out of the ordinary for us, anyway. But for some reason, I couldn't take my eyes of off you. It was like my vision was tunneled. Everything else was blurry, except for you. I started noticing how close you stood to me and how you looked at me and I realized that you never got that physically close to anyone else in the group. Even when someone would try to approach you, you would take a step back. But you followed me and stuck right by my side. Everything I asked you to do, you did it without question. I never realized how much you trusted me 'til that moment. And, the way you looked at me... You looked at me like I could walk on water."

 

Rick paused as he wiped a tear that threatened to fall.

 

Daryl shifted in Rick's hold. "Then what happened?" He whispered.

 

Rick looked down at him and smiled. "Then suddenly I was in another room I had never seen before. But this room was bright, warm, and inviting. Then I heard someone laughing. I never heard that laugh before. I walked further into the room and I saw you sittin' in someone's lap. The person had their arms wrapped around you and you had the biggest smile on your face. I didn't even know you were able to smile that big, and when I saw you that happy, I felt my heart swell. And something told me you were going to make it."

 

Rick wrapped his arms around Daryl's waist and rested his head on his. "I never felt so overjoyed in my life, but at the same time I was jealous. I was jealous of the person that was making you so happy. I- I wanted to make you smile like that. And then the world around me started to fade and I felt myself being pulled somewhere else. But I couldn't leave until I found out who was making you so happy. I had to move fast and when I got close, it was..."

 

"Who was it?"

 

Rick paused.

 

"It was me," he whispered. "I was the one holding you. When I saw that I was so desperate to stay, I was afraid that where ever I was gonna end up next, you wouldn't be there. But that tugging feeling kept calling me back. Everything kept getting darker and I begged it to stop. I screamed at it. The last thing I heard was your voice."

 

"What did I say?" Daryl asked as he turned around to look at Rick.

 

"I couldn't quite make it out, but downstairs, I realized what it was. You called me Daddy."

 

Daryl gaped at him.

 

"When I woke up in that hospital to Lori and Shane, it was like I knew what they were gonna say. And I didn't care. I didn't care about that past life. I wanted the one I saw with you."

 

"You wanted me?" Daryl asked quietly.

 

Rick nodded and kissed his forehead. "I still do. I want this more than anything."

 

"But what do you want with me? Do you want- like- what?"

 

"I want you to be happy and stay with me. I don't care if you act big, little, hysterical, I just want you here. I want to take care of you. We can take things as slow as you want. If you don't want to call me Daddy, that's fine. And if," Rick paused. "If our relationship grew into something more, I would want that too."

 

Daryl furrowed his brow. He wasn't sure what more meant. He leaned into Rick and snuggled close.

 

"I wanna be your boy forever," he said shyly.

 

Rick grinned and squeezed him tight. "Then you will be and that's a promise."


End file.
